Four Is The New Three

7 months ago...

2010-02-28T09:50:00.000-08:00

Anika was born. Can you believe it? I can't.

Life has been crazy since she came around. We are now 3 weeks away from the end of Karl's 2nd quarter. 2 down, 1 to go. That fact makes the husbandless nights and weekends a *little* easier to handle.

Soren is still the sweetest little man I know. Making conversation with complete strangers, making up his own lyrics to songs (that are actually quite good), making his sister laugh...no matter what it takes. He's doing a fantastic job of being an older brother. I have some pretty incredible children.

I realized that Soren and I have hardly had any time together just the two of us since Ani came. Sad, but true. I decided that we needed a Mama/Soren date, so yesterday we hit the town. I let Soren decide what we were going to do, what we were going to eat, where we going to do. Everything. I feel like most of the time I am telling him to stop doing something as I take care of Ani. Yesterday he got to call the shots.

Here is what we did:

Read books, looked at fish, played with puzzles...all at the library.

Ate lunch at a pizza place. He picked his own toppings too - olives and pineapple.

Went to a coffee shop and drank hot chocolate and shared a scone. We drank and ate and talked for an hour. It was wonderful, and he got so many compliments for being so sweet.

We went into a few shops and impressed some more people.

I'm not sure which one of us had more fun.

Anika Jane is still the sweetest little lady (how did I get such sweet children??) in the world.

She is currently on a *major* sleep strike, while is tiring and frustrating. We try everything to make her comfortable and sleepy, but when it comes down to it, I think she is just very social and it stresses her out not to party with us. Hoping tonight will be different. I don't know if I can take another 3 hours of screaming.

Besides the sleep issue, she is generally very chill. Just hangs out on my hip or on the floor all day, without complaining at all. Still has the best scowl I've ever seen, but she also has the best smile. She is one happy little lady, just doesn't like to show it to everyone.

7 months old is a pretty great age. She is not really the most advanced child but that is fine with me. It's nice to have a baby who still hangs out most of the day and isn't in a hurry to get around. She is getting really good at rolling to her destination and reaching up to grab things. She is eating solid food and can drink out of cup. Her newborn hair has pretty much all fallen out and is getting replaced by some incredibly cute fuzzy blonde hair. She still looks pretty bald though. I love it.

Well, that concludes the end of this post. Soren just walked in with his pants down to his knees and needs some potty help. Anika is trying to eat the keys. Such is my life right now. I may or may not get a shower today. I did get breakfast though...can't ask for too much.

Four Really Is The New Three

2009-12-17T15:33:00.000-08:00

Well.....dang. It has been a while. I've sat down so many times to write something here, but every time my mind goes blank and I don't know where to even start.

Little Miss Anika Jane has been with us for 4.5 months already and time is going faster than I ever dreamed possible. (Could it be true that time actually does go faster the longer you've been out of high school?? Man, those years were long.) So, we're big fans of her and while we can still imagine what life was like without her (a lot easier) we could not be more taken with her. She is PRECIOUS.

Let me tell you about it:

She has the biggest and best smile I've ever seen (with one adorable dimple to top it all off)...okay, tied with Soren on the "best" part.

She will scoul at you until she lights up and she makes you feel like your face was the best present she has ever received. If you see her in person - don't be offended by her expressions. It's not her fault, unintentional dirty looks are in the genes.

She is super chill. Really just does her own thing happily until she's tired or hungry. Doesn't complain about anything and handles pain like a champ. This comes in handy being the second born following a toddler who likes to experiment with cause and effect.

She has mastered the roll from stomach to back. She's currently (as in, right this moment) trying the back to stomach roll. Her hands seem to be more exciting right now.

She has THE cutest feet I've ever seen. Little and perfect with no crazy toes. I could eat them.

She looks terrible in light pink (thank you God!)

She is still bald and I am in heaven. I loves me a bald baby.

_______________________________________________

Karl finished up the last Fall quarter of his undergrad career last week. We are no longer answering the "How long do you have left?" question in terms of years. We're down to quarters now. 2 quarters left. I can handle that.

We're adjusting to sharing a home with my parents. We're in each other's business all the time, and it's got it's high points and low points. It sure is nice to have a couple extra pair of arms during this crazy time of life.

Soren continues to light up our lives with his brains, extensive vocab and musical interests. Oh, not to mention his adorable face. He's still long and lanky with killer style (if I do say so myself) and a sense of humor better than most adults'. He is currently learning the age-old trick of sliding down the stairs in a sleeping bag. (A favorite past-time of mine while growing up in this house.)

We had our second ER visit in the last month a few days ago. First one was for a Corneal Ulcer that Karl contracted. The second for a "Foreign Body Swallowed." Translated: Soren ate a penny. Cool.

I will leave you with a heartwarming transaction that just took place in the living room. Ani was not wearing socks and her feet were quite cold. When Soren found out that I couldn't find her socks he immediately scrambled to take his own socks off and asked me to put them on her feet. Can it get any better than this??

Blogger and I are not getting along today, hence the crazy formatting. I guess I'll have to be ok with less than perfection....*sigh*...

Anika Turns 0

2009-08-08T11:58:00.000-07:00

It's been over 3 weeks since Anika Jane entered this world via C-section and I'm just now getting back to blogging.

I want to get the story of Ani's arrival written out before I lose it in a fog of postpartum hormones and sleep deprivation. It's a special one, in a much different way than Soren's - but special nonetheless. Unfortunately, I don't have many pictures to show you, since most of the ones from the OR are trapped on a camera that has no cord to download them. The ones I do have will have to cut it for now.

So here is the story of Ani's Birthday...

4:30 am on Tuesday, July 28, 2009 and my alarm clock starts beeping, although I didn't need it to - I had been awake all night. After thinking Soren might have chickenpox and anticipating my first major surgery, I just couldn't seem to get myself into dreamland. I was exhausted, which in a weird way made the thought of having a baby a little less strange (I only know how to have babies when I'm exhausted.) At 5:15 Karl, Stancie (my big sister) and I got in the van and drove in the dark to French Hospital. We met my best friend Flo outside with all of the luggage we had packed for a week in the hospital and all entered the hospital together. They took me to a little "cubby" of a room to get my IV placed, vitals taken, papers signed, etc. I was curiously not nervous at all - just really tired.

After waiting a while, we got a call from my OB saying she was having car trouble and wanted to know if it was OK with me to postpone the surgery 3 hours. I thought it was weird that she was giving me that option, but I figured it was better to have her not stressed about her car while performing surgery on me - so I waited. My birth team all left (at my request) so they could get some breakfast and I could try to get some sleep. While they were gone I lied there on the hospital bed, listening to a terrible cry from a newborn baby in the nursery who they were attempting to place an IV in. The sound was way too sad to sleep through, so I just closed my eyes and prayed for that baby.

At around 10:15 am everything started moving pretty fast. Flo and Karl put on their scrubs and we waited in what would be my postpartum room for the OR manager to come and get me. Up until this point everyone who read my birth plan was amenable to everything on it, except having Karl with me the entire time I was in the OR.

After some persuading, they allowed Karl to come into the OR with me as they placed the spinal. They explained that they don't usually let the husbands in because they can't handle two people needing care at the same time. In other words, "we can't deal with your husband passing out from seeing you get injected with a big needle." I assured the staff that my husband had seen me through much worse (i.e. a 21-hour drug-free labor) and they agreed that Karl had been "road-tested" and would be allowed to come with me. He wasn't anywhere close to me when they gave me the spinal and I couldn't see him, but he told me he was there which calmed me down.

One important part of my birth plan, aside from having two of "my people" in the OR with me, was that my own music be played throughout the surgery. The surgery staff was more than accommodating with this request and made sure that there was a way to play my birth music. As soon as they started prepping me for surgery, the sound of one of my favorite Nanci Griffith songs started playing. I was immediately calmed and that feeling lasted the entire surgery. Each song had been hand-picked for it's ability to make me feel safe, relaxed, loved, etc. I honestly do not know what I would have done without this important element of the birth.

Everything started happening very fast at this point. I started to feel nervous because Flo was not in the room yet and I asked where she was as soon as she entered the room. Apparently, she and my nurse got locked out of the OR and it took several minutes to find someone to let them in. They almost missed the surgery! I felt very weird at this point, the numbness had taken over most of my body and bright lights shone in my face while the staff hurried around me. No, it did not feel like a birth.

I was warned a few minutes beforehand that Ani was almost here. I started to feel excitement, which was relieving for me. They lowered the curtain in front of my eyes so I could see Ani leave my body. She entered the world to the sound of soothing music and beeping and that was pretty much it. Very peaceful. Karl says it was even more peaceful than Soren's birth. She cried immediately which was very reassuring but I felt pangs of guilt as I thought about how her time in my womb had been cut short. I told her I was sorry through tears of joy/sadness.

They took her tiny little body over to the warmer where her papa met her with his own teary eyes. I watched as Karl studied Ani's face and held her body with the same love that he did with Soren when he first entered the world. While I will not use or condone the use of the phrases, "Daddy's little princess" or something about him being "wrapped around her little finger", I do think that these two will have a special kind of relationship for life. Karl has really had to play mama AND papa in these first weeks of Ani's life, since I have been out of commission in a lot of ways. He changed all of her diapers, gave her the first bath, went with her everywhere she had to go and walked her in circles around the hospital room at night when she thought it was time to be awake. These two were are quite the pair. I can already see how alike they are in personality and it makes me incredibly happy that this little lady will be able to judge real love someday with how her papa loves her.

It took me 39 weeks and 3 days, but I did eventually feel excited about my little girl when I saw her tiny little body. I didn't fall head-over-heels in love with her right away like I did with Soren, but it eventually came to me. I feel like the surgery (and subsequent recovery) set us back a little from initial bonding. It took us a couple weeks to get acquainted but I am amazed at how much I just want to be with her now. Just like everyone told me, my capacity to love somehow grew when she entered the world. I love that she is so little and so different from Soren. I love that she wears pink, but in a cool way. I love the "disgruntled employee" facial expressions she gives when she's unhappy about something. I love how she squeaks like a mouse and squeals like a piglet. I love her light hair and long fingers. I love her one dimple. I love everything about her. She is my little lady.

So there it is.

The birth story of Anika Jane.

We are so happy she's here.

My favorite lullaby for Ani - A cover of the Wilco song, My Darling

It's Three A.M. I Must Be...Pregnant

2009-07-25T02:52:00.000-07:00

This is me. About to go out to my last date while I still can. I lasted until 9 before my eyes just wanted to shut and my body said it was time for bed. Yeah, it was a rockin' night.

I'm up now, at 3am because this is what I do lately. Just wake up, for no apparent reason and stay that way for at least an hour. This is my baby body clock getting itself used to the middle-of-the-night, so-delirious-you-do-crazy-stuff wakings with a newborn. Tonight I got Karl to join the party, so we're both up now. Blogging, facebooking, eating cereal, watching Bottle Rocket. You know - normal things you do when you can't sleep and don't have a baby to feed.

My sister flies in tomorrow afternoon, on the heels of one very sweet shower that was thrown in honor of Anika and me yesterday. Life is getting really good! I cannot get over how special the whole thing was. Pictures are soon to follow (if I can track down people who thought to take pictures.) Every single thing about it was lovely thanks to my super sweet friend and equally sweet mama who know just how to make a girl feel really loved.

I'm yawning again, which means maybe my wakeful period is coming to an end. Only 3 more nights of being up in the middle of the night for no reason.

5 Days

2009-07-22T09:27:00.001-07:00

The past week has been especially hard for me, for so many reasons.

I wish I had more physical energy so my son would remember these last days with just me as fun. Instead, I think he may remember being locked inside all day watching Thomas The Tank Engine while I apologize for being too tired to chase him around outside. I'm trying to make up for it by lots of snuggle time and reading books about how special older brothers are.

There are a lot of things I wish were different about life right now. It's not a great feeling to welcome a child into the world under difficult circumstances, but I know it's all relative and things could be much worse. I have lots to be thankful for, including a really sweet little boy who makes it ~~hard~~ impossible to stay in a funk all day.

Today I'm being treated to a pedicure by some really sweet friends while they watch Soren - something I've been looking forward to for weeks. On Friday I have a little shower to celebrate Anika Jane and then on Saturday my sister flies into town (!!!) and then it will only be 2 days until I can shed this belly and meet our girl. I'm going to try to keep my sanity for the next 5 days and hope that postpartum hormones are easier to deal with than pregnancy ones.

15 Days

2009-07-12T22:00:00.000-07:00

37 weeks

That's how long I have until this little girl makes her appearance (that is, if she doesn't decide to come sooner) and I don't even have a pack of newborn diapers yet! On the morn of July 28, 2009, Anika will finally be here and at which time all four of our lives will change pretty significantly.

So, how am I feeling about all of this?

Excited. Nervous. Sad. Rushed. Huge. Unsure. Tired. Frustrated. Full of love. Ready.

My body is starting to give me signs that it's preparing to give birth, which is a painful reminder that I will not actually be birthing. I know that C-sections are births, and that the most important thing is a healthy baby and mama but there is something very strange about not working to get a baby out. I am not one of those people who hates birth...I actually like it. I like having the "mountain" to climb and then feeling the sense of satisfaction after I've reached the "top." This just happens to fit very nicely with my convictions about birthing naturally too. Not being able to work with Anika to get her out makes me a bit sad when I think about it.

Don't get me wrong, I am not the hostess of a huge pity party here. I am at peace with the fact that this is how it's going to go down, and even if I wanted to change things, I know it would take nothing less than a time machine to make that happen. There are some bright sides here, so I am focusing on those. I just pre-registered at the hospital a few days ago and my birth plan is finally done - although I still have to get it approved by my OB and anesthesiologist. My mountain of laundry has been conquered and my hospital bag is halfway packed. I'm gettin' there.

Sorting hand-me-downs

The reasons I chose to schedule the surgery (instead of waiting to go into labor naturally) are many, but none of them had anything to do with convenience. In order to be sure that I was setting myself up for the best possible outcome I realized that I did not want to have an "emergency" surgery that no one was prepared for. In a less-than-ideal situation, I wanted to do what I could to ensure the best possible outcome. Having experienced (and flexible) nurses available, a well-rested doctor and anesthesiologist, and a chance for me to get to know everyone and explain my wishes beforehand were all things that were important to me. Unfortunately, those things just aren't as likely if I was to wait for labor to start on it's own. Of course, I changed my mind about this decision about 100 times (no exaggeration) but eventually had to stop vacillating and make up my mind. That's what I chose.

So, here I am, with decisions all made and I am waiting for the day to arrive. Soren and I are trying to find creative ways to spend our days together, which has usually been one outing a day because that's all this body can keep up with. Karl's work has slowed down again, which is a blessing and curse for us right now. It's allowed him to get home earlier in the afternoon so Soren can run around with someone to chase him and I can have a much needed break. (I seriously CANNOT wait for the day we have a backyard!)

The face of a child who has no idea how much his world is about to be rocked

I'm counting the days until my two best girls are in town, which will make the time go much faster for me as I lug this belly around. Have I mentioned how much I don't love pregnancy? I'm just reminding myself that it's easier right now to have her fed, held and not pooping all over the place with little work on my part (except the aches and pains.) 15 days has never seemed so close...or so far away.

I'M HAVING A C-SECTION.

2009-06-23T13:52:00.000-07:00

No, it's not ideal.

It's not what I would have planned.

There are much better ways to give birth.

It makes me sad.

It's one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make.

***************************************************************************************************************************

So, at this point you are probably asking, "Why?" Either with a judgy tone or just a curious one.

Well, the full answer to that question is one that I have only shared with a very, very small number of people (many of whom are/were my medical care providers.) Even though I'm all for honesty and information, the subject matter behind the "Whys" of us choosing a C-section instead of the completely drug-free, vaginal birth we had wanted are going to be very vague with those I have not already had lengthy conversations with.

To make a long, private and frustrating story less overwhelming - I'll just say that there were certain things that either just happened or were physically done to me after Soren's birth that have left me forever changed. In choosing a C-section, I am mitigating trauma to my birth canal so as to not make matters even worse. In choosing to tell many of my friends about this decision via my blog, I am mitigating awkward conversations, questions, etc.

As most of you know, I am a HUGE advocate of natural childbirthing. My mom and all of my aunts had their children without the use of any drugs and I was brought up with the same convictions that they had. I believe that mothers choosing to cope with temporary labor pain for the sake of their babies is the ideal way to birth. I think purely convenience-based inductions and C-sections are ridiculous and I think they are grossly over-performed in our country. I feel that if more people took the time to educate themselves, we would have much less interventions involved in our births today.

In spite of all of that, I can honestly say that natural childbirth isn't without it's share of costs. While we don't know for sure what the actual cause of my injury was, it is certain that I wouldn't be dealing with what I am dealing with now if I would have opted for the recommended C-section during Soren's birth. As we all know, hindsight is 20/20 and there is no way we could have known what would happen while we were in the middle of it. Soren and I were both fine, so we kept going - that's what we wanted.

I have never regretted giving birth to Soren without the use of drugs and I was hell-bent on bringing this little one into the world in the same gentle way. Knowing that I will not be able to provide my daughter with that same kind of birth makes me more sad than I can express here.

Still, I am making this decision because it is best for me and therefore, best for my entire family. I want to be able to enjoy my newborn and give necessary attention to my toddler instead of possibly having to undergo several surgeries to repair damage in those precious early weeks following the birth. I'm choosing the lesser of two evils here.

As always, I'm thankful for life experiences that help me see things from each side of the spectrum and give me a greater empathy for those I don't see eye-to-eye with. As I grieve the birth that I was wanting with this little one, I am learning to accept my circumstances and am going to try to be just as determined to make this birth a pleasant one for our family. It will do me no good to be depressed about it so I will resolve myself to making this surgical birth as gentle as it can possibly be. Needless to say, I've got my work cut out for me. Anyone want to see a "gentle" c-section birth plan?

Last Days

2009-06-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

Today is a day of lasts in our family.

It's my last day working at the Sock Drawer, Karl's last day of classes (still has a project to finish though) and Soren's last day of "school" at ASI. If you've been keeping up with our lives via this blog since last September, you may remember how much I hated putting Soren in daycare program. It went against so much of what I believed in as a mother (for as young as he was) and I just looked at it as a necessary evil. I cried and cried that first day as I left my destraught child in a room of other scared and confused children. My heart literally ached.

Soren had a hard time adjusting to the new environment. He had never been a clingy child, so the hard good-byes only lasted a few weeks, but he refused to sleep there. So many people told us that he would adjust, but we knew our son better. The kid does not sleep with distractions around...and daycare is full of distractions. I even considered pulling him out, because I couldn't stand getting a majorly nap-deprived child back at the end of my work day. I don't know how many times I said the words, "It's just not worth it" during this school year. Still, we kept his tired little self there.

It also took him a long time to become part of the group. He was only there 2 days a week and he's a very independent child, so the adjustment wasn't easy. His teachers would just hope to see him throw a tantrum because that would mean he actually felt comfortable to show strong emotions in front of them. Never did happen - just saved it all up for Mama at the end of the day.

Well, here we are at his last day and I must admit - I fought back tears this morning as I dropped him off for his last day. I started explaining that it was his last day on the way to school and when we got there he yelled, "Goodbye friends!" His teacher said, "Good morning Soren!" and he happily turned away from his toy bugs and said with a smile, "Good morning Sarah!" We have sure come a long way from that dreaded first day.

He has definitely found his place at school and just when we were all getting used to it, we have to move on. His teacher told us that we can bring him by to visit if he is ever asking about school and we are still able to go on field trips with his class. Depending on how our lives go, he may even end up back with his class someday.

As much of a struggle this year has been in many ways, I cannot imagine what Soren would be like now if it wasn't for his year in this wonderful program. I'm convinced that his time there has helped him grow much more than I would have been able to. I still believe that nothing can compare to the love and care a parent can give to their own child, but I look at things much differently than I did 10 months ago. We are so grateful to have been given the opportunity to put Soren in such an outstanding program where each child is loved, respected, taught and studied. He has learned to share, speak his mind, resolve conflict, sing new songs and a million other things I'm sure. Who knows how much this experience has influenced his little mind, but there's no doubt that it has helped lay a solid foundation for everything else he will do from now on.

So yes, there is sadness in my heart today as I help him say goodbye to the people and place he has become so familiar with this year.

Now Karl's got some catching up to do now that Soren has already graduated from Cal Poly.

Soren Turns Two!

2009-06-09T13:40:00.000-07:00

My Soren turned 2 years old this past Sunday, and it blew my mind a little bit. So much has happened over the course of his little life and in a way it seems like he's been with us forever. This year we decided not to have a huge party for everyone he knows, but just a family Santa Maria style BBQ at my parents' house. Soren got to play with his beloved cousins and I didn't have to make up goodie bags for other people's children. Perfect.

By the end of the day, he was stoned on sugar and so tired he had bloodshot eyes. It didn't seem to phase him a bit though. He actually became more and more outgoing as the night went on and everyone was getting a kick out of his loss of inhibition. It was a really nice way to celebrate two years with the sweetest little boy I know.

Here's some pictures for you all..

A Rite of Passage - Riding the tractor for the first time with Grandpa

Me and the guitar cake I made for Soren. A major labor of love, but well worth it.

Final product

My dad caught a gopher snake for Soren's party. Soren named it "Cupcake".

Soren and his famous cousin DJ
(DJ gives Soren tons of toys when we visit, so he's quite popular in Soren's book.)

Soren and cousin Liam - doing a great job sharing at the water table

My cousin Anna blowing bubbles for the kids. Soren and Liam delightfully trying to catch them.

We Cashdans like our snake captures

Present time!

I LOVED that Soren didn't get a ton of presents for his birthday.
He really got to be excited for everything he got.

I have no idea why I have this look on my face

Yes, another shot of the cake. It took me almost 5 hours, and then I had to cut it into pieces.
At least it's memory will live on in this blog.

Soren's BIG birthday present - a John Deere tractor given by several family members.
Grammy and Grandpa's house just got 100 times cooler.

This is what happens when Mama is busy hosting a party - Soren gets all the cake he wants.
Thanks Grammy!

"Two Years Old"

2,920 Days Ago...

2009-05-26T12:18:00.000-07:00

Karl and I made promises to each other that we could never possibly keep, and we did so in front of all of our friends and family. Promises to love each other without condition; to be constantly selfless; to keep our hearts close despite our circumstances and to hold each other up above everyone else in the world. Crazy stuff like that.

Yesterday I had a whole 45 minutes to myself in the car. A thrill rushed over me as I backed out of the parking lot and started on my trip. I could pick whatever music I wanted to listen to and it wouldn't have to compete with conversation. I looked through our old CD case and found a CD that was not labeled and thought it was something else. I put it in the CD player and waited for the music to start, and as soon as I heard the first note I knew that it was not what I thought - it was our wedding music.

I suddenly felt jerked back through 8 years and remembered exactly how it felt to be anticipating marriage. Sweet hopes and dreams for our future without any sense of apprehension about our life-long choice. All we could think about was what it would be like to wake up next to the other person every morning for the rest of our lives. Nothing else mattered quite as much.

The music that we picked for our wedding was not typical, and I grew more and more proud of our music choices as the CD went on. Typical wedding songs like "Ode to Joy" and "The Wedding March" were bumped aside by songs by Ben Harper and "Pure Imagination" by The Smoking Popes. We weren't (and still aren't) fans of doing things out of obligation or because that's how they've always been done. Yes - I'm bragging - because I think we were two pretty cool kids. I still look at pictures of our wedding and can honestly say that I wouldn't change much about our choices. Of course, I would ditch the tuxes and hire a different photographer (remember this was before there were better photographers) but beyond that - I like what we picked.

For some reason, this year almost NO ONE got the number of years we have been married correctly. Everyone guessed that it had been less time that it was and inevitably the phrase, "You were just babies when you got married!" would follow. I have no problem at all with people saying this, because even we say it. I was barely 21 and Karl was 20. (I bought his beer for him for the first year of our marriage.) We were young, insecure, immature and wouldn't have listened to a soul if they told us to wait until we got older. We reasoned that it was pointless to wait around just for the sake of letting time go by when we knew we wanted to be together, so - we jumped in.

Karl and I have grown up together over the past 8 years and it's impossible to tell what kind of people we would have been without each other. We have had many discussions and lots of doubt about our decision to marry so young, and those close to us know that we have had some pretty nasty growing pains over the course of our marriage. Sure, we had our share of unnecessary struggles because we married so young but I believe that we would have just replaced those same struggles with other ones if we would have become more independent before joining our lives.

As I look back on all of the disadvantages we had going into our married life, I am honestly amazed that we have not only made it this far, but that we feel excited to take on another 8, 16, 32, 64+ years of this bound together life. We have shared disappointments, losses, accomplishments, births, apartments, pregnancies, pets, babies, car accidents, homework assignments, goodbyes, broken cars, inexplicable joys, laughter and a bazillion other things. There is no way I can even imagine a life without Karl in it...and I never want to.

"The closer I'm bound in love to you...the closer I am to free."
- from our 'first dance' song by The Indigo Girls

Ani Jane

2009-05-19T14:03:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking that I would get a jump start on helping people with our little girl's name, since I'm sure it's bound to cause some confusion.

The name Anika (or Annika) means 'favor', 'grace' or 'sweet-faced'. Jane also means 'grace', which must be a sign that she truly is a undeserved gift to us (and that we'll need a lot of grace to welcome her into our family during this crazy season.)

Now for the most important part - the pronunciation: The most correct way to say it is AH-nee-kah but that's a little too awkward for most Americans to say, so we are going with the AH-ne-kah pronuciation (rhymes with 'Hanukkah'). Make sense? Cool.

Soren can pronounce both of her names perfectly already and whenever I hear him say it it makes my heart melt a little bit. He is very serious about her and makes sure to remind me that she's "still growin." I think they'll be a great pair.

Now here's some older brother preciousness for ya'll...

As Promised

2009-05-16T08:38:00.001-07:00

Delicious Mother's Day breakfast at Honeymoon Cafe

The kids taking a rest

Riding in the "new van for us"

Family time at Shell Beach (I had my pregnant bum firmly planted on a blanket)

Watching the "surfins"

We're Telling

2009-05-14T10:55:00.000-07:00

Woah, where have I been??

Well, basically trying to hold on to my sanity while I finish up my last couple months of juggling work, toddler raising, and figuring out what we're going to drive and where we're going to live. It's been crazy - which I always say - but you can probably get used to it for the next 12 months. We're just holding on for the ride, but with the craziness has also come a few new and really sweet friends that I am so grateful for. It makes me actually feel like I can handle whatever life is going to be like, knowing that I will have an amazing support system of other mothers that I admire. So, even in the midst of what is becoming the most stressful season of my life, I am finding so many things to be blessed by.

Now, onto the news...

1.) We bought a new car (OK, OK, it's a minivan) and it has honestly changed our lives. We fit now and will have no problem adding another little car seat when the time comes. Hallelujah! My legs fit and Soren no longer gets minor brain damage every time he gets placed in/out of his car seat. Violet can go places with us along with a big basket of laundry without us looking like a gypsy family. And best of all...it actually runs and I don't have to live in a constant state of worry that I'll be stranded along side the freeway with a child. It's amazing.

2.) We are moving to the country. Yep...gone are our city dwelling days. Hello rolling hills, dirt roads, quiet, cricket chirping and frog croaking nights and 15 minutes to anywhere. Out of urgent financial necessity, we are moving to my parent's property as we finish up Karl's last year in school. I'm excited to have the support of my parents as I juggle life with a newborn and a very independent toddler. Soren will have memories of catching Blue Belly lizards and hatching eggs of various birds and digging in the dirt for fun - just like his mama did.

Of course, this arrangement brings along with it it's own set of stresses, but we are planning lots of date nights and (hopefully) a housing situation that allows us alone time. Although it's not what we would have planned, we are going to make the best of it. This deal goes down the end of June, so this next month will be wild.

3.) We have a girl's name (which is old news) but due to some coaxing and thought on our part, we are now sharing the name. This little one shall be called Anika Jane Lundeen. We have loved this name since before we were married 8 years ago and have never heard another girl's name that has come close in our minds. Karl suggested the name Jane because it was sweet, timeless and simple and it just worked to put them both together. So now we'll have two appropriately named semi-Swedes in our household and it feels perfect. Now, go take a moment to be blown away by our child-naming skills.

*I must apologize for the lack of pictures, they will be coming shortly.*

Criminal Birthing?

2009-04-16T10:58:00.000-07:00

To all of my trusty Three Is The New Two readers (I know who you are, and even if I don't - I know what town you live in), I'm going to ask for opinions here. I asked Karl for his opinion during my amazing birthday dinner last night and now I want yours.

I read this article yesterday and I want to know what you think. I love things that make me re-evaluate my beliefs, even if I always come to the same conclusions in the end. I'm not going to say how I feel about it (yet), I just want to hear how other people read things like this and what they come away with. What do you think?

Questions? Comments? Rude remarks?

22-Month-Old Gets His First Taste of Candy on Easter Sunday While Mother Nearly Passes Out From Anxiety

2009-04-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

Tall Women Unite

2009-04-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

Today I have already met 2 other women who are as tall as I am. I had a 15 minute conversation with one woman about what it is like to be tall. She was in her 40s and had two 10-year-old girls, who were obviously going to be pretty tall adults themselves. We talked about how she was nervous for her girls to grow up in a world that makes it very difficult to be tall and female. I told her I had the same fears for this little girl that I'm growing.

We talked about what it's like to fly coach with super-sized femurs. We talked about what it's like to never be able to find pants that fit in a normal store and how expensive it is to pay for being tall once you do find clothes that fit. We discussed the woes of finding tall maternity clothes. We talked about what it's like to have extremely low self-confidence as a result of having the fact that you are different being pointed out constantly. We both had the same idea to make shirts that say, "No, I Don't Play Basketball!" I felt completely understood. She told me it was like therapy to talk to me and kept apologizing for taking up my time, but I loved every second of it.

For obvious reasons, all but one of my girlfriends over the course of my life have all been way shorter than me. When I met my friend, Joanie (5' 11''), in Colorado it was like my life changed. Before that, I had never known what it was like to be friends with a girl who could look me straight in the eyes. I loved her, not only because she was an amazing friend, but because she understood. Unfortunately, she lives on the other side of the country from me. I miss her terribly sometimes.

Anyway, I feel refreshed today because I feel understood once again. Instead of being disregarded and told how I should be grateful for my height by someone who has no idea of what it's actually like to be tall, I have talked to an older woman who has walked in my shoes. She did nothing but relate with me. We are all born with different personalities, and for those of us who do not crave attention, it is extremely uncomfortable to live in a body that makes you different from most women and by it's nature makes it impossible to hide the fact that you are different.

Of course, I love the fact that I will probably never look stocky in anything I wear and I'm grateful that I can reach things on the highest shelf. I know that God put me in this body for some reason and I am learning to love it. I think tall women are beautiful and if this little bean inside of me is going to get more of the tall genes than the short ones (there aren't many) I really want to show her that being tall is something to be proud of. Still, I am more than aware of the obstacles she will eventually face and I am thankful that she will have a mama who understands what she's going through.

Working Mom Appreciates Time Away From Motherhood

2009-04-13T11:25:00.000-07:00

I have a love/hate relationship with working outside the home. It is difficult to always be rushing out the door to go somewhere with a toddler. It's hard to juggle all of the household responsibilities that have to be taken care of when you just feel like crashing when you've been on your feet all day. It sucks that I can't go to a mom's group or even have coffee with a friend and their kids once in a while. It makes my life pretty lonely.

However, days like today make me grateful that I have a job outside the home. A place I can just be me and have conversations with adults about things other than the best way to get your child to eat veggies or how to handle tantrums. I can watch people outside and feel like I'm a part of the world. I can miss my child once in a while and feel proud when I get to take my little paycheck to the bank. I would never be able to mentally handle a 5-day-a-week job while having children at home. I would even go so far as to say that I don't think it's responsible parenting (cringe...yeah, I just said that.) I'm realizing that a little time away from the home, to earn a little money or just to pursue hobbies (if you don't need the money) is good for a mama's soul.

Selfish Mother Blow-Dries Her Hair While Son Impales Himself With Thermometer

2009-04-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

OK, this didn't actually happen to me. But these are dead-seriously the headlines I come up with in my head when I have to take a shower or blow-dry my hair (things that make it impossible to keep tabs on my Curious George of a son.) Whenever I turn the water or blow-dryer off, I immediately expect to hear wailing in the background and find Soren on the ground with some serious injury I'll have to explain to CPS.

Right now Karl is out of town, so that makes getting ready for work in the morning even crazier than it usually is for us. I usually plan my showers for times when Soren is asleep or supervised by his Papa. I didn't have that option this morning, so I did the best I could. I put up safety gates and tried to put everything remotely dangerous out of reach - something that's getting increasingly harder to do these days (this kid is growing faster than I can keep up!) Still, he finds things that I would never see. Just the other day he saw and grabbed a pair of scissors before my mom could keep him from giving himself a little trim. Lovely.

Anyway, I guess the point of my post is to ask how you other moms do it. How do you get out of the house, or go to work looking somewhat classy without constantly running from your mirror when you hear silence (yes - that's when you know something's up)? For those of you who have sweet little girls who will obediently sit on the toilet watching you apply eyeliner with awe in their eyes - I don't want to hear from you. Haha (but seriously.) I'm talking a good 1.5 hours of taking a shower, doing your hair, getting dressed and applying make-up. What is your secret???

Halfway There

2009-04-02T11:41:00.000-07:00

I am 22 weeks pregnant, over half-way to my due date, and I realize that I haven't mentioned much about this baby. I'm ok with that (just so you know) but my friends are starting to forget that I'm pregnant, so I figured maybe it's high-time for an update.

Pregnancy is not my most favorite thing in the world. Some women just eat it up, but it's not like that for me. Sure, I think I will look back at this time in my life with fondness (couldn't think of a better word) and I will miss some aspects of it. There is something special about building a new little life inside of your body, and it's for such a small amount of time (unless you're the Duggars) during your life. Still, my body just wasn't made for this type of work. I know, that doesn't make any sense, but it's the only way I can reconcile the fact that some women feel great when they're pregnant, and I don't.

I am currently in the best stage of pregnancy - the 2nd trimester. Right now hormones are actually working in my favor, my belly is not so big that I can't hike up a leg on a counter top (yes, I do this sometimes when putting make-up on) and I can still sleep at night without recruiting the help of 4 pillows. Oh, but look out 3rd trimester - when grabbing something that fell on the car floor is just something I remember once being able to do and when my poor husband literally gets kicked out of the queen size bed. A time when my belly is taking up so much real estate that everyone feels some sense of ownership over it, therefore finding it perfectly acceptable to touch, rub or pat it whenever they get the urge. A time when the skin on my belly is screaming for relief (and ripping) from the tension. A time when creativity takes on a whole new meaning 'in the bedroom'. Not a time for the weak of spirit, that's for sure. Now I have little nightmares about getting through that "whale" of a trimester while chasing a very speedy little toddler as he endlessly runs in the opposite direction of me. Heaven help us!

My pregnancy has been pretty uneventful so far. I call the midwives so much less this time than I did when I was pregnant with Soren. I'm a lot less stressed about eating all the right things and staying away from soft cheeses and deli turkey. I don't freak out during my painful "round ligament pain" sessions - I just wait them out on the couch, for hours. Ok - I admit - my prenatals have gone a few days without being touched too. Priorities change a bit with the second, they do.

This little girl is moving...a lot...at night. Sometimes I think about how cute it is that I am her mama and she only knows about being inside of me. She is used to the rythm of my walk and my voice and my anything-but-bland food preferences. She gets kicked quite a bit by Soren as I'm trying to dress him - it's a good foretaste of what's to be the first several years of her life. Although I'm still coming to grips with the fact that she is coming at the worst possible time of our life (according to us), I'm feeling twinges of excitement at the thought of seeing her face in 4 months. It may not sound like much, but it is.

Spring Break

2009-03-31T17:17:00.000-07:00

We're back from "Spring Break", which for me meant no work (besides the child-rearing) and for Karl meant a few days of a typical man's life - going to work in the morning/coming home in the late afternoon with no homework to do. It really is luxurious.

We spent the last half of our break in Pleasanton with my aunt, uncle, cousin and cousin-in-law. The day before we left my dad test drove my ever-failing car and said he wouldn't drive it anywhere but home and around town. I fought back tears at his words, since my soul was craving a trip out of town. After coming up with a few alternatives to driving our car, my parents decided to let us use theirs. Pretty sweet. The one down side was that my mom was side-swiped a few weeks ago and the passanger door doesn't open, so that made for some interesting moments as this pregnant lady tried to maneuver her body across the front seat of a Volvo sedan. All-in-all, it was no big deal and we were so excited to actually be getting our long awaited road trip.

When we got to Pleasanton, we met my cousin at her salon and she did my bi-yearly cut and color. I always love it, that's why I wait through some pretty terrible hair months until I can get up there again. There's also something particularly special about being able to chat with your cousin about everything instead of having to make small talk with someone. Her salon is fabulous too, so I feel calm and rich when I'm there - not things I usually feel. Ha ha! Soren and Karl walked around P-town and played at a park while I was there, having some much needed papa and son time.

The next morning we went to the Oakland Zoo. It was the first time Soren had been to a real zoo (Charles Paddock Zoo does not count) and although he was pretty stoic for most of it, he is still talking about the animals we saw there - including how many of them there were. This kid amazes me sometimes.

We had planned to head into the city after grabbing some lunch, but Soren and I were two tired puppies after the zoo. The rest of the day was spent relaxing by the pool, buying my much-obsessed-over Citizens jeans and eating out at P.F. Chang's China Bistro with my cousins while my aunt stayed home with Soren. A pretty wonderful day if you ask me! I don't remember the last time we had a "double date" with another couple. It was amazing!

The next day we headed back home after going out to lunch with the whole fam. It was a nice way to finish our weekend with them, despite Soren being wild from being kept up 2 hours past his nap time. We figured it was all worth it since he would for sure sleep for most of the car ride home - priceless. Well, he did in fact fall asleep as soon as we hit the road, but he woke 10 minutes later when we realized we both had to use the bathroom and we stopped at a gas station. He didn't fall back asleep the rest of the ride home. Stressful.

All-in-all, it was a very lovely way to end our week of normalcy. So, that's the recap...thanks for keeping up with this play-by-play post. Now it's "Back to life...back to reality..." (What would I do without hideous 80's pop songs to create part of the soundtrack of my life? I do not know.)

And no - no pictures taken. We forgot the camera. :(

Mo-Cy-Cul

2009-03-24T20:28:00.000-07:00

Soren has some obsessions. Like any normal* mother, I tend to worry that maybe he is stricken with some mental disability or social handicap. Really, I think it's just because he's part me. I get obsessive like nobody's business, and it's not too far-fetched to think that I passed this little gem down to my son. Poor buddy.

I've got to hand it to him, once he finds something to be obsessed about, he sticks with it. Since before he could talk, he would make the sound for a motorcycle while clenching his fists and turning them forward -- like he was accelerating. He hasn't given up on this obsession since then and talks about, thinks about and hears motorcycles almost all day long. Recently, Karl and I decided to buy Soren a toy, since it had been several months since we had last done so. We don't have the funds to buy toys that he'll outgrow in a couple of months, and we don't like chincy plastic things lying around our house. We saw the answer to all of our needs at our local toy store and had to buy it for Soren. The PlasmaCar looks an awful lot like a motorcycle (well, at least to a 21-month-old) and he will be able to ride it for the rest of his life. Now that's what I call getting a bang for your buck! It is the perfect ride-on toy for him right now and will be something he can race on when he gets a little older. Then when he's completely grown he can bend his body in half trying to ride it, like Karl enjoys doing now (it supports up to 220 lbs!)

The best part is, Soren is in love with it. He couldn't take a nap for two days straight because he was so excited about riding it again. Annoying, but cute. Karl said this was the best $60 we have ever spent on Soren. After thinking through that statement, we decided that all the food, diaper and clothing expenses probably beat out the PlasmaCar for that title. Nevertheless, we made a pretty smart toy buying purchase this weekend.

The only downside is that I picked out the color (yellow and black) because I thought it looked most like a motorcycle, but Soren wishes it was blue. Sometimes he just gets off of it and says "blue one!" Perfect. It hasn't seemed to affect the overall satisfaction rating though. Check it...

*read: crazy

Important Things

2009-03-14T07:46:00.000-07:00

I'm stealing the title from Demitri Martin - I know. So after you read this you should go watch his new show on Comedy Central. It makes me laugh sometimes, which is more than I can say for 98% of stand-up comedians.

First of all, I've got to say how much I appreciate having conversations with people that are willing to look at both sides of any issue. This is a difficult thing to do with most Christians, and I am so thankful for the few friends I have that are willing to talk about difficult things. I didn't grow up in a family that was able to do this, so in my adulthood I am trying to figure a lot of things out by talking with other people and thinking about it on my own. Recently, my best friend wrote a song that seemed to come right out of my brain. It's one of those songs that you wish everyone was able to hear. She said this song just seemed to come to her and begged to be written. I'm so glad she listened.

Speaking of songs - I am currently in love with the song, "No One's Gonna Love You" by Band of Horses. It's one of those songs that has changed my life a little. The lyrics are alright, but I'm not going through a break up so the message doesn't really hit home - I'm just enthralled by the melody. I love this video too, it reminds me of the Beach Boys documentary I watched several times a day when I was 10. What really cracks me up is that Soren will watch it with me and sit more still than he will for any kids video. We definitely share the same taste in music.

I've got to get back to child-rearing, but here's a little status update on the Citizens Jeans I mentioned in my last post. I am half-way there due to a very unexpected, generous and incredibly thoughtful gift from a dear friend who is sort of a fashion icon of mine. I would share her name if I had the OK, but I'm keeping her anonymous because I'm not sure that she wants the attention. She told me she had thought about it and really wanted me to have the jeans. Amazing. Of course, I cried and had no idea why she would do that for me. I was so grateful nonetheless. That gift came at the perfect time, after weeks of going through some pretty stressful drama and I was feeling very lonely and completely run down. No matter how many questions I may have about God, Christianity, religion, etc. right now - there are things that I won't ever question, and that is that God loves us and he shows that love through people in our lives. I feel blessed.

On Being Tall, Poor and Pregnant...

2009-03-07T17:44:00.000-08:00

Just days after I found out I was pregnant, I started searching the internet frantically to find out if there were any more options for tall women out there that weren't available when I was pregnant with Soren. I've always known that finding tall maternity clothes would be a problem for me. When I actually got pregnant, that thought became reality and I was constantly frustrated by the lack of options out there. Luckily, when I was pregnant with Soren my mom bought me a pair of Citizens of Humanity maternity jeans that were just barely long enough but oh-so-cute. I loved them, really loved them. I had never had a pair of designer jeans before and there was just something about feeling sexy and fashionable when I was feeling the very oppostite of that. It seemed like no matter what I was wearing on top, it would always look dressier and more put together with my great-fitting jeans to compliment them. Anyways, I wore those jeans for months after I gave birth because my over-extended belly refused to go back to where it came from. Then....I sold them on ebay. I know, why would I do such a thing? Well, the truth is - I needed the money to buy some non-maternity jeans that would fit me. I couldn't afford to have those designer jeans sit in my dresser while I had nothing to wear. I got a very decent amount for them, which is the nice part about investing in a good pair of jeans. Still, today I'm wishing I could pull out those Citizens and feel that cute again.

So, that brings me back to where I am today. Just totally frustrated by the lack of options out there for tall pregnant women. I usually buy my non-maternity jeans from Gap, at prices that most of my friends would gasp at (because they are short) but they are one of the only places I have found that carry 36" inseams in cute styles. Well, not even Gap has come to my rescue with the maternity issue. They only go up to 34" in their tall maternity jeans. So what is a girl to do? Drool over another pair of Citizens jeans. So that's what I'm doing. Here's my latest crush...

In a glorious 35" inseam (yes, that's what I wear), these jeans are the perfect solution to my maternity dilemma. They are a different style than my first pair of Citizens and even cuter. The price is steep, but I'm used to paying ridiculous amounts of money for my pants. You honestly have to pay more than short people for your pants when you are as tall as I am. That's why I'm probably always going to bitch about how being tall isn't all it's cracked up to be when short people tell me they wish they were my height. They honestly have no idea. Or maybe they are crazy rich and don't care that they'll have to shop designer and specialty shops for most of their clothes. Shopping sales is pretty much out of the question. Add getting pregnant and it turns the best of us into bitter people. (Trust me, I've been on all the message boards.)

Now, my next mission is figuring out a way to get my legs into a pair of these jeans that will fit me perfectly - everywhere. I'm holding out for birthday money, I think it may just work. Just 1.5 months to go!

Girly Girl

2009-03-06T12:33:00.000-08:00

So, it looks like we very well may be having a girl in the family come August. I really had no expectations of what kind of child I wanted before this time. Given the 85% chance we have that the baby we saw on the screen yesterday is of female orientation, it's all making sense now.

Yesterday was a crazy busy day (sorry to any of you who wanted more info or a phonecall - it was just impossible.) I got up and got Soren ready for school, dropped him off at school, ran home and made a fairly complicated cake in just the exact amount of minutes I had to get back in the car and go to Cal Poly for the first appointment of the day. From that appointment we had just enough time to stop at Jamba Juice, pick up a smoothie to share on the way to our ultrasound appointment. From there we had just 45 minutes to get something to eat, open the card that told us what the tech thought we were having, talk about it and make copies of the ultrasound pics. We then got back in the car, headed to Cal Poly for the third time to have a Parent/Teacher conference with Soren's teacher. It went longer than expected, so Karl took Soren downtown while I rushed home, made the filling for the cake, frosted the three layers, garnished it with blackberries, got changed and rushed out the door to my mom's birthday dinner at the Apple Farm. We were there until 8:15, so by the time we got home Soren was a crazy tired child and we were both beat. We went to bed at 9.

Soooo, back to the ultrasound appointment. We saw the same tech who determined our first baby died at 14 weeks, and I was a sobbing mess on her table. She's also the one who told us that Soren was most definitely a boy too. Now she's the one who is giving us the 85% probability that we're having ourselves a girl this time. We've come full circle with this super sweet woman.

I found out that my placenta is on the anterior side of my uterus (translation for all you non-anatomy taking people...it's on the front of me) which makes TOTAL sense because the movements I feel with this baby are way different than what I felt with Soren. I was starting to think that my baby was paralyzed because I wasn't feeling any kicks yet. Turns out there's just a big cushion between my belly and the baby. She had a strong heartbeat of 145 bpm and didn't enjoy the ultrasound too much (who would??) She was moving a lot and kicking her little legs up - I must admit, pretty cute. She is lying sideways in my belly which is a relief since Sor-Dog was wedged head down at my ultrasound (17 weeks) and stayed put till he was born. Yeah, not fun. The tech couldn't get a great look at the genitals because she (we think) was curled up so tightly. She tried a few things and finally told us that she could only give us a percentage of how sure she was. That pretty much gave it away for us. We asked her to write her findings down on a card that I gave her so that we could open it during lunch. We got to our restaurant, ordered our food and I handed the card to Karl so he could open it. I saw the words right when he pulled out the velum paper...."GIRL!"

I guess this is why I have not been feeling so terrified of having a girl. Before I got pregnant the thought would almost make me sick to my stomach. I could not imagine having to raise a girl, which I know is unusual and not many of my friends understood this. I did not want a girl after I found out I was pregnant, I was just feeling like it wouldn't be the end of the world. Looking back, it makes sense that I was more sick if I'm pregnant with a girl. Karl and I talked about how this is probably the best scenario for the situation we're in. Having our boy first and girl second. They'll be close enough in age to have a good relationship but he'll be able to be protective of her. Plus, I feel like it's better for my heart knowing that this is a new kind of pregnancy and baby. Not like I'm just having to do the same thing times two. Also, we're realizing that this very well may be the end of our babymaking days so it feels complete to end with a boy and a girl. No matter what percentage the tech gave us, I truly feel like it's a girl now because of all the factors that are adding up (we still have to think of boy names just in case though.)

Sorry for the rambling, just trying to give details that couldn't come yesterday in the short time I have during a nap. Now I must feed myself and my little GIRL...yikes.

Helicopter Mom?

2009-03-02T10:31:00.000-08:00

About a year ago I heard the term "Helicopter Mom" and I thought it was funny that there was such a term. It means what you would imagine - a mom who hovers over her child at the park or wherever they are to assure they are always safe. I've been thinking a lot lately about what type of mom I am. Of course, I don't want to be an HM, but I think sometimes I might be.

I tend to change my parenting ways and I think this is one way that I have changed. I used to be super carefree about letting Soren explore and try new things, but there is something that makes me one nervous mom these days. Maybe it's the fact that my child has bitten entirely through his lips a few times and now has a scar that he'll probably have for the rest of his life. Or maybe it's because he has fallen 4+ feet off of a play structure and limped for weeks. Or it could be that I go in and out of feeling like I am going to lose him. OK, I do this more often than not. I'm sure having gone through a very traumatic miscarriage is making me this way with Soren. I always imagine worst case scenarios in my head as Soren is playing, and while I try desperately to fight this thing in me, in creeps up all the time.

Soren's teacher was talking about moms who constantly tell their kids to be careful when they're at the park and I realized that I was totally guilty of this. Soren now goes to the edge of a play structure and points to the ground and says "fall down." I feel relieved that he gets it now, but I feel sad that I've made him so careful. This parenting thing is harder than it looks. Is it really bad to teach your kids to be careful? Will you be labeled a Helicopter Mom if you do? Are you stifling their need for risk or are you just being responsible? I honestly have no idea.

I Must Really Love Myself

2009-03-01T20:59:00.000-08:00

About 3.5 hours ago, I started preparing a meal for tonight. I bought Foster Farms chicken yesterday for $.97/ lb (yes, I'm shopping sales these days) and planned to use them in a recipe I found on a cooking blog I read sometimes. I started brining the chicken while I was feeding Soren dinner and after he was done I had him help me pick some fresh rosemary off of the plant on our patio to make the rub for Garlic, Lemon and Rosemary Broiled Chicken. I crushed the garlic, grated the lemon, chopped the rosemary and put it all on my brined chicken while I cut up potatoes and cooked them in the skillet for about an hour. I then cooked up some garlic asparagus and waited for my chicken to be done in the broiler. At around 8:30 my meal was finally done. I sat down at the table with a wine glass full of French Berry Lemonade and marveled at what I had accomplished. Then, I realized I was having a date night with myself. Now I am going to cuddle up on the couch with myself for the night cause we're pooped.

Miss you Karl...come home sometime - ok?

Bones!

2009-02-14T11:15:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've done a Soren update, so here goes (I have about 5 minutes before Karl and Soren get back from their little "adventure" to the coffee shop.)

-Soren is weaned! It happened very gradually, then one day I realized it had been a week or so since he last nursed. He went through a couple of weeks of being very frustrated when he tried to nurse and their was no more milk. He would look up at me and say "It's broken" or "It's not working." Pretty soon he just gave up I guess. Yippee! Now I have 6 months left to myself before I have to start it all over again.

-He is talking in sentences now. The other day he said "Having fun in the bath!" He picks up on way more than we realize when we're talking to each other and is constantly working on his vocab. He can pick out most of the alphabet and and can count to 6.

-Playing the guitar is still his #1 passion (obsession) and it's highly entertaining to see him turn any long object into a guitar when he doesn't have his real guitar handy. He can't get enough. He started to write and sing songs for us to. They usually go like this: "Maaamaaaa....Paaaaappaaa....." while he strums his guitar and bounces to the beat. Melts my heart. I love having songs written about me.

-This morning Soren has been throwing a pretty impressive amount of tantrums. One of them had to do with wanting bones. Yep, bones. He was crying and going to our pantry and begging for something that we had never heard him say before. Finally I asked him if he wanted bones and he immediately stopped crying and said, "Yeah" in such a relieved voice. Karl and I could not help but laugh and I realized that he remembered the lion in "Goodnight Gorilla" chewing on a bone. The last time we read it I told him that the lion was eating a bone, and somehow that memory stuck in his little brain so much that when he wanted a snack today he thought bones would be a good choice. I had to delicately explain to him that bones were only for lions and dogs to chew on, not for toddlers to eat. He was alright with that explanation and then asked for crackers.

That's it for the update. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Soren bought me flowers while he was out on his adventure! Adorable.

I'm Back

2009-02-12T10:15:00.000-08:00

...and I need another vacation. I know, pretty unbelievable, but I do. This time, I need a get-away with my husband. If it weren't for school, lack of money, and Valentine's Day (that would be way too cliche') we would be out of here this weekend. At least Karl is getting a day in Santa Barbara on Friday and it's my turn to stay home and work.

This quarter has been easier than last quarter for our family, and I feel like I'm getting to know Karl again. When school and life get too crazy, we tend to forget how to be with each other because we never spend time together. We just end up being frustrated with the other person during the few times we do get alone - it's pretty lame. Just one of the MANY reasons I fantasize about graduation day on a way too regular basis. Anyway, we're past the crazy month of January **hallelujah!** and settling into February nicely (with the exception of the flu from hell and teething.) Karl has been home more and is able to take Soren to school one out of two days a week, and we're starting to split Soren's "wake-ups" with each other now. Karl is even able to help with dinner sometimes and do things around the house to help out. It's unbelievable how much these things help my state of mind and Karl loves having the time to spare to be with us.

Anyways, I want to get out of town with my husband!! We only have 6 months left while we're still a "little" family and date nights and weekends away are easy! [Said with panic in her voice.] I think a "getaway" stipend should be be included in tuition for Cal Poly architecture students. I'm gonna propose it, I'm sure they'd go for it.

I'm Outta Here

2009-02-03T12:00:00.000-08:00

For the past 6 days I have been home constantly, nursing (literally and figuratively) one very sick toddler. He contracted something awful and has been coughing, crying, snotting, vomiting, running a pretty high temp for a few days and NOT sleeping. He is getting better, but today I just feel worn completely ragged, like I'm on the verge of running out of my house. I have given every last ounce of myself to this little miserable guy and while my heart is torn apart seeing him so sick, I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I'm not sure how parents with more than one child deal with this sort of thing. Actually, there was one point a few days ago that I got mad at families who have a ton of kids - namely, the Duggers on TLC (like I said, I'm kind of losing my mind.) Soren is not a very clingy child, he rarely needs to be held and loves having his own space when he sleeps. Right now he just really needs mama and papa time - all day and a lot of the night. Anyway, I just don't see how it's fair for parents to make the choice to not give each of their kids the comfort they need because they feel they need to be fruitful. Don't get me wrong, I usually love the Duggers (in a "are you serious?!" sort of way, but I still love them.) I'm totally ranting, but it shows how stable my head is these days...not very.

The point of this blog, however, is to announce that I am getting out of here! No, I'm not running away (so don't call CPS) and I'm not being hypocritical. My AMAZINGLY sweet husband suggested I go spend some time with my relocated friend this weekend while he stays home with the Buddy. I already had the day off on Friday and Karl said he'd stay home with the little man this weekend so that I could breath again and check out the new Roberts home in Agoura Hills! I'm more excited than I have been about anything in a long time. The thought of driving by myself on 101, breathing ocean air, listening to music instead of crying, having time to myself - um, exciting stuff people! So, anyway, I'm ecstatic. Karl is already making plans to go to the airport, the train station and the zoo with Soren this weekend. A little boy's weekend - so cute. It's a win-win situation for so many people. Hello again LA!!! Wooooooot!!

Mitchel

2009-01-31T08:37:00.000-08:00

Last January, my best friend moved half-way across the country with her little family, probably never to return to living on the Central Coast of California. I didn't know what I was going to do with myself having her any farther away than a 15 minute drive. There was something very comforting to this introvert about spending my time with someone who knows me better than anyone and who doesn't need constant explanations of what I mean when I say something. Karl and I spent most of our free time with Flo and Josh and we preferred it that way, but we weren't the only ones who felt really sad to see them go. Seth and Skylana had also become quite attached to them and we all did things together a lot of the time. When the time grew closer for Flo and Josh to take off and leave us all behind, we started joking with S & S about hanging out with each other once they were gone. Flo and Josh were definitely our common bond at that point, so it was funny to talk about doing something without them. The first time we hung out with them without Flo and Josh we felt like we were being unfaithful, like we were having a friend affair.

All 6 of us, swapped

After F & J were gone, we started hanging out more and more, and liking it. Skylana and I started hanging out back when I was home all day being a mama. She would come over and we would get to know each other while our kids (who are 6 months apart) would play. Flo was happy that we had found friendship with each other but every time we hung out we would wish Flo was there. All of us started having monthly Sunday brunches at our homes, talking over dinners made for each other, going out to eat, talking about difficult issues, playing with our kids, and the list goes on. One major common bond we have with Seth and Skylana is in our parenting styles. From bedtimes to food choices to discipline, there isn't much we disagree on, so that makes hanging out with our kids pretty easy. All of us believe in healthy bedtimes for kids, so our kids learned to fall asleep at each other's homes at their normal (7pm) bedtimes. There is something so comforting about being understood by other parents on major issues, and with Seth and Skylana we felt right at home. Having our kids be in their beds early in the evening also allowed us the opportunity to have meaningful conversations, which was important to us too. We became fast friends and had more fun than most parents with young children get to.

Before this starts to sound like sunshine and roses all over the place, there were times when we didn't even come close to agreeing on issues. We've shared some tense and brutally honest moments with each other. I have made Skylana cry on more than one occasion and she has made me cry too - and we're not criers. I'm so thankful for that kind of reality in a friendship though. To have someone who will call you out on things and you still know that they will love you no matter what. She has taught me that it's ok not to agree on certain issues, but that it's important to always try to see how someone else can feel the way they do about something.

Friendships can never replace other friendships, and while I have never felt that our friendship with S & S replaced ours with F & J, I feel like it was a sequel to the chapter in our life when we all lived close together. A really good sequel.

So, here I am today, feeling a little blindsided by the fact that they are already gone. We knew it was coming, just not so soon (they didn't either, for the record.) We couldn't be happier for them and the opportunity that awaits them in LA and we are so glad that they are only 3.5 hours away. (We love road trips, especially ones that are close to the length of a nap.) These are "forever friends" and even though it will not be as easy to hang out any more, they will never be out of our lives. We are looking forward to the next chapter for us here, and we're thankful that we have so many other faithful friends still here with us. We'll just really, really miss the Roberts.

And Karl and I love you too. See you soon suckas!

Four is the New Three

2009-01-22T12:57:00.000-08:00

Ok, ok. I've been majorly slacking on the blog, but seriously folks, this has been one insane month for me - I know, I always say that. Let's back up a little and go over what's been happening around here, then you'll see...

The day before Thanksgiving, Karl and I got one BIG shocker that we are expecting yet another baby. If you want the honest-to-goodness truth about how we feel about it: we are having a very hard time adjusting our hearts and minds to the thought of another child at this point in our lives. Sorry if that's too honest, but that is how we are feeling. I'm praying that at some point before I go into labor I start feeling an attachment to this little one. I remember feeling apprehension about being pregnant with Soren (since he was not exactly planned either) but I do not remember ever feeling like this. I certainly didn't feel this way with my first pregnancy either, so this is pretty weird for me. I know all of the right answers (and we've heard them from many people already) and have even said them to other people, but it's just going to take time to truly be OK with this plan. Do I wish that I felt differently? Yes. I know that I will fall just as madly in love with this baby as I did with Soren and I believe that children really are a blessing. I just want people to know where my heart is right now and that when people say "How exciting!", I don't exactly concur (yet.)

We had a nice, relaxing Christmas this year with my parents in Paso. Shortly before Christmas, Karl somehow contracted poison oak on the toes of both of his feet, which turned into a massive swollen mess because it reached the deep tissue and then blistered (no doubt one of the grossest things I have seen with my own eyes.) Because of his "affliction", he took some extra time off around Christmas, which was nice for all of us. It doesn't take long for us to get used to a "real life" so it gets difficult for us to adjust back into the craziness after we've been away. It was sooooo nice while it lasted.

The new year met my family with the tragic loss of my cousins' (and dear friends) baby boy, Joash McLain. He was born on New Year's Eve at Twin Cities Hospital in Templeton, CA and died about an hour after he was born. It was totally unexpected and we still don't have any clear answers as to 'why.' I was fortunate enough to live close enough to be at the hospital to offer my support that morning. It was one of the most heart-breaking things I have ever witnessed and it still brings me to tears on a pretty regular basis. My cousins are amazing, and they are handling it as well as possible with the knowledge that their baby is now safe in the arms of God, although everything within them wishes that he was in their arms instead.

There's not much you can do to comfort someone who has lost a child, but our family pulled together and tried to surround them with as much love and support as we could. We had family come in from out of town (and state) to be here and for over 2 weeks, many of my nights (and days) were filled with family get-togethers, which are comforting when you don't know what else to do with yourself. Even under the worst of circumstances, it was a gift to be able to see what a supportive and loving family I am a part of.

As the time with out-of-town family wrapped up, I started preparing for Karl's parents visiting us for a week. Having been a useless housewife with the family gatherings and the pregnancy symptoms, I was a little panicked about my disgusting house. While my cousin was here from LA to attend the memorial picnic for baby Joash, she graciously offered to come to my house and help me do a much needed deep clean to prepare for the in-laws. She has OCD tendencies with housekeeping, I do not. Between the two of us (and some Starbucks to help) we got an incredible amount done in 3 hours and I realized that I never would have been able to do it by myself. We got rewarded with some delicious Chinese food afterwards and then she drove back down south that night. Does anyone else have such incredible cousins? Nope. THANK YOU Bets!!

The day after my family from out of town went home, my in-laws arrived and stayed with us for 6 days. They always come with the understanding that they will live in the midst of chaos, and we never disappoint them. We had school, work, 3 doctors appointments, late nights at school, a teething (non-sleeping) toddler - the whole bit. Despite the obstacles, we were still able to enjoy some long-awaited time with them and they were able to get to know Soren a lot more. I think they were impressed. They flew back home to Colorado on Monday and I'm sure they're glad to have some peace and quiet again. We look forward to the day when we'll able to be better hosts, but for now it's just good to get time whenever we can.

Karl's birthday is coming up (the 25th ya'll) and our closest friends are moving at the end of the month, so there's not much time to slow down until February for us. Although we'll be two sad puppies with our best buds 4 hours away, we're glad that they'll be close enough to make a weekend trip out of visiting them. Woohoo! We have peeps in LA again! We'll miss you S&S, more than you know.

It's OK that I just wrote a gigantic post since I haven't written since December right? If you're still reading, I guess it is. That's usually what you can expect from me though - nothing or too much. Thanks for reading! Until next time...

We're Done!!! (for now)

2008-12-09T19:37:00.000-08:00

Today Karl turned in the last of his school work for this quarter. It's like one huge breath of fresh air for all of us. Tonight Karl came home from work, cleaned up the kitchen, made Soren one great dinner, put him to bed and helped me make lasagna. After we eat dinner, we're going to decorate our Christmas tree while listening to Christmas music and drinking some hot apple cider. I'm in heaven...

Its-It

2008-12-06T13:32:00.000-08:00

No that's not a song, it's a tasty ice cream novelty and it fits the subject matter of this long-overdue post.

Just days after I posted about Soren's vocab, he had a language explosion and it hasn't stopped since. Every day he wakes up and has about 5+ new words he can say. It's wild...and I love hearing his sweet little voice so much as he's experimenting. I can't even attempt a list now, there's far too many to count.

As I mentioned in that same post, he pronounces applesauce as "apposit." He does this with some of his new words and we haven't been able to find a rhyme or reason to it. Some words are normal some words are "it" words. Here they are:

almonds = almondsit
medicine = medicit
paci = pacit

I have never heard of a child doing this to some words, but I'm going to hold off on calling in the speech therapist quite yet because I'm sure this is considered normal. Now if he's doing it at age 6...then we'll see.

Collaboration

As for the rest of our lives, that's going to take waaaaaaay more time to write down than I have. So we'll save it for another time. We're so close to being done with this quarter which we're all very ready for. Stay tuned for more updates, but be patient - I'm one wiped out mama.

1 2 3 4

2008-11-22T14:15:00.000-08:00

One big rule of mine is no TV for babies (and by babies, I mean Soren...I know, he's not a baby anymore, but that's what I like to say.) Up until recently, we've done pretty well with this law but Karl and my parents have bent the rules when I'm away. Soren has picked some favorites from those times and I thought I'd share one of them with you. Obviously I'm letting this one slide because it's an adaptation of a song that I like to listen to.

Warning: This song may get stuck in your head for days.

What Soren Said

2008-11-14T06:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, ok. That's not an actual song title, but it's adapted from the Death Cab For Cutie song "What Sarah Said." So there you go....

This one's about Soren's recent language explosion. He had been really into saying new words these days and it's been a lot of fun for Karl and I to try to figure out what he's trying to say. If we can't figure it out, usually my mom can. For example, the other day as we were sitting in the parking lot of TJ's, Soren kept saying what sounded exactly like "opposite." I kept saying "opposite?" and he would look at me with a disgusted look and say "no!" I gave up and we went inside. I told my parents about it while we were over there the other night and after some thought, my mom said, "I know what it is...applesauce!" Soren seemed really excited that finally someone got it. He must know that I buy applesauce at Trader's and that's why he kept saying it. Cute.

As for his other words, they are new every day. Here's a list of what I can think of off the top of my head at this early hour...

place (Violet's command)
sit
down
up
ball
eat
pills
eggs
medicine
ball
please
thank you (signs it spontanteously when I give him something)
nightnight
paci
bed
yes
no
nowaynowaynowaynoway
juice
hot
applesauce
ak-mak (his favorite crackers)
O's
Baba (grandpa)
Nanny (grammy)
Karl
Papa
Mama
side (outside)
clock (most used word these days)
two
wait
banana
eat
shoes
socks
byebye
nurse
snack

There's probably a few more that I'm forgetting, but I've got to wrap this up.

I would try to get a video of all this cuteness, but whenever I get the camera out he just gets obsessed with grabbing it. So you'll have to use your imagination or come visit - but not now!

This is one of the reasons I'm so exhausted these days.

{Ahhhh. Contained.}
His favorite breakfast:
Ezekial bread with coconut oil
applesauce
organic scrambled eggs

He's really serious about note-taking these days.

We Used to Vacation

2008-11-13T20:35:00.000-08:00

I'm exhausted.

Karl's turning into a zombie.

Soren loves "school" now, but misses his Papa all the time.

We've got 4 weeks left of this quarter.

Will we make it? Anything's possible.

Life

2008-10-13T22:58:00.000-07:00

I should so be in bed right now, but I just found this little clip from our family trip to Avila Valley Barn yesterday. Karl was up super late paying for a day spent with us, but I think he would agree it was well worth it (right, babe? wink. wink.)

Here's Soren being afraid of the ponies. Pretty darn cute.

And more of Soren with pumpkins. **I warned you this would happen.**

Daylight Fading

2008-10-12T12:05:00.000-07:00

I am wasting too much time trying to come up with titles to my blogs, so - from now on I'm just going to name them a title of a song that best fits my mood at the time of writing it. Ok? Ok.

I know I say this every quarter, but...this quarter has been the hardest yet. Having gone into this year thinking it might actually be one of the easiest, we were hit with a big surprise. Karl has already pulled so many get-home-after-everyone's-asleep nights that we can't even count them, and we're only 3 weeks in. In the midst of a crazy school schedule, I just went through a week from hell and Soren has been acting out waaaaayy more than usual - partly because of his age, partly because of the changes and stress in our lives. We are all fried.

I contemplated not sharing so much of the hardships in our lives on these blogs. I truly feel like a broken record and like I'm complaining. The truth is, this is our life, and if someone is reading this who can relate, or who is going through the same season of life as we are - maybe reading this can help. I am confident that someday the story of our lives is going to look much brighter, and while there are still bright moments in our lives - right now, we're in winter.

I'm not going to go into details about my 'stressful is an understatment' week, but basically, I had several major issues to deal with while Soren and I were both pretty sick and Karl was busy with school. It feels like the dark cloud has lifted a bit and this past week was much better.

Last weekend my mom and I coordinated my cousin's wedding at the Hearst Castle. It had me stressing for weeks beforehand, but it all went off without a hitch and it was absolutely beautiful. Karl was able to be there to help me with Soren while I (literally) ran around the Castle making sure everything went smoothly. My aunt works at the Castle, so we had freedom to many more areas than other people do - which made it all the more fun. Soren loved exploring all of the steps, statues and fountains - it's not everyday that a kid gets to play in a diaper at a castle! My cousin was a gorgeous bride and I was honored to help make her wedding day perfect.

This weekend Soren and I went to Avila Valley Barn with my mom and picked out some pumpkins and gourds for his classroom. He is really into running these days, so he ran around the whole time, pointing to things of interest - namely goats and tractor parts. (Warning: I'm about to say something very cliche'...) It is amazing to see the world through the eyes of your child. It's like a surprise gift that a parent gets - like a second chance to find wonder in the things you take for granted as an adult. I love autumn, and it's just a million times better with Soren around. Showing him all of the different colors, smells and sounds of this season does something good to my heart. If it's this crazy right now, I can't imagine how I'm going to be at Christmas.

In the interest of keeping these posts manageable, I'll stop here. That's a little peak into our lives as of late. We miss all of our friends so much and promise that we will be able to hang out someday...in December...hopefully.

Sunday Funday

2008-09-28T20:24:00.000-07:00

I love my boys, and I love the days when I can be with both of them. Today was (mostly) one of those days. Coffee in Shell Beach at The Steaming Bean, playtime for Soren and Violet at the Dinosaur Caves Park, hanging out in downtown SLO in the afternoon. Super fun. Here is the evidence:

Saturday Morning

2008-09-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

I usually complain a lot about Saturdays, since Karl is rarely home with us on that day. I always wish we could just all have a day together, like other families get to, and I get sad. Today was a different story though. Of course I wish we could have all been together, but I was determined to have a fun morning even if Karl couldn't be with us. We have had such a long and tumultuous week, that I was just happy to be home for a day with my little man.

There's something about cold, foggy mornings that invigorate me. I feel like the air is fresher and I feel lighter - I'm definitely a cold weather girl. Well, this morning I took one look outside and knew we needed a long walk. So after breakfast, we got dressed and headed out the door to run some errands and walk to the Farmer's Market that's about a mile from our house. Soren was such a good little traveler and fussed a very reasonable amount for a 15-month-old stuck in a stroller. When I let him out to walk around after Farmer's, he started saying and waving "Hi!" to everyone he saw. One of the guys that Soren said "hi" to stopped me as he was driving away to tell me that Soren just made his day. I love this new little social side of him. Anyway, here's some pictures from our morning.

Best smile ever

Perfect walking weather

Strollin'

Exploring

Pointing out every sprinkler we saw today

He's a bike guy

Exhausted

2008-09-25T15:59:00.000-07:00

Today was Soren's second day at "school" - it did not go well. I guess after the initial curiosity wore off he was left feeling very uneasy about being left all day in a strange place. I don't blame him. We both cried a lot today.

One thing that makes this transition even more lovely is the fact that he will not sleep there. Before he started there, I told his teacher and the administrative staff that I could not imagine Soren falling asleep on a mat on the floor with 17 other children around. They assured me that they do this all the time, not to worry. Well, I'm officially worried. His teacher told me that he was one of two kids who refuses to sleep there. The other one screams and cries the whole time. Soren just lays there with his eyes wide open until they ask him if he's ready to get up.

When I picked him up today he looked like a zombie. We didn't even get 5 minutes down the road and he was completely asleep in his car seat (this never happens.) His world has been turned upside down and it's rough for all of us. It is the grossest feeling to leave your crying child in a room full of other crying children and have them run after you. I used to get so annoyed at parents who would say goodbye and then linger around and keep trying to comfort their child. I still get annoyed, but it makes a lot more sense to me now. You want to make sure that your child is going to be taken care of and that somehow they will see that they're safe and that you will be back. There's just no way to convey that to a 16-month-old, no matter how long you stick around. Goodbyes have never been hard with Soren. Now, they are the worst.

I have very negative feelings about having Soren in daycare, and despite what other people tell me (i.e. it will be good for him, he'll have so much fun, it will build his immune system, it's a good program, blah, blah, blah...) it doesn't make this Mama any more thrilled to have someone else raising her child. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and that's the only reason we're doing this. It still doesn't make me excited about it.

Uh-Ooooo

2008-09-17T07:57:00.000-07:00

The newest word of Soren's is "uh-oooooooo" (supposed to be 'uh-oh') and it's a good thing, since we've been saying it a lot lately. He has discovered everything above his head and is trying to scale any object to get up there. For the most part, he's done a great job, but we've had some minor mishaps along the way.

Here's the injury report:

1 bloody nose from falling on a nightstand.
1 bloody upper lip from falling off of a stool
1 completely bitten-through lower lip from falling face-first on the sidewalk.

It's been a bloody month.

On top of all of that, he vomited all over his crib after he bit through his lip (most likely from ingesting the blood) while I was attempting to see the dentist. He's also had a pretty gnarly cold for the past 10 days. He's been a trooper.

Here's what's new with us in a nutshell (Soren is whining in his high chair as I type):

Soren starts "school" next week at the ASI Children's Center at Cal Poly. It's a great program (as much as out of home care can be) and we think he'll enjoy his 2 days a week there.
Karl starts a new year at Cal Poly's College of Architecture. As weird as it sounds, we're both excited to be heading into the 2nd from last year in school. After a long road in school, 20 months left doesn't sound all that bad.
I am going back to working 4 days a week (out of the house) and possibly going back to school at Cuesta in the Spring. I'll keep you posted about this.
Karl is moving his business to a new shop in Grover Beach. After several years working at the "chicken coops", all of the guys he's worked with over the past 5 years are dispersing. Karl and our friend Ben (who originally got Karl the job at the Barn) are setting up shop together, and we couldn't be happier about this arrangement.
Soren has started to say "Papa"! Although, true to form, it's very intermittent right now. Karl is stoked nonetheless.

So that's all for this update. I've got to leave for another (attempted) dental appointment. I'm sure there'll be more to come with all of these new things happening in our lives. Stay tuned....

Cool Outfit

A picture Karl took of our bedroom ceiling with some "architectural implications"

He makes this face whenever he hugs Violet. It looks like he's in pain...as if to say, "I love her so much it hurts sometimes."

Bathtime with Arabella

SörenMan

2008-08-22T21:50:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to upload this video for a while, but I'm just now getting around to it. (He's a much better walker now.)

Soren loves wearing capes and since we don't own any, Karl made do with what we had. I think this is the best super hero costume I have ever seen. And the best super hero.

As always, we're usually about 3 minutes too late in grabbing the video camera. Soren was walking around Superman style with his arms straight out just seconds before this. It's still pretty cute though. Here's Soren coming to save the day...

New Family Pictures

2008-08-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

While my sister and her husband were here the first week of August, we spent their last day taking pictures at Jada Winery a mile from our parent's house in Paso. Although it was a super hot day, we were rushed to get ready and Soren wasn't in the most photogenic mood, Ken (our photographer) still managed to get some good pictures of the family all together. We have been begging our mom and dad to get updated pictures of the family for years and we (the kids) were all hating the outdated picture of us above the fireplace. Plus, we have a new little addition to show off now! So here they are...the updated Cashdan Family photos:

Mama Mia!

2008-08-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

No, not the movie.

ME!

After several months of trying out all kinds of other words, Soren has finally been saying "Mama" and using it appropriately! This is a sweet sound to a first-time Mama's ears. It's usually when something's happening that he doesn't like, and he wants me to bail him out, but just yesterday he said it when I walked out the door for a second to take something outside. I could hear him run to the door and cry "mamamamamamama" until I came back. Super sad, but also super cool.

Now we've just got to work on getting him to say "Papa" to Karl. Then we'll both be happy campers. Unfortunately, Soren really loves to say his D's, not so much his P's.

When we decided to call ourselves "Mama" and "Papa" to Soren, we had no idea it would be such a hard concept for most people to follow along with. I do realize that most American families call the father "Dad" or "Daddy", but it seems like there are enough families doing the Papa thing that people wouldn't be so thrown by it. We were wrong. I guess it just figures since a lot of people are thrown by the name Soren too - why start making things easy on ourselves now? Whenever you do something out of the norm, people have a hard time adjusting. We both just really like the way "Papa" sounds and we hope Soren will start loving it (and saying it) soon too!

Science of Sleep

2008-08-14T12:55:00.001-07:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking about sleep, especially because I have become increasingly more of a crazy sleeper and/or dreamer. Last night, Karl and I listened to a show on NPR about the fear of sleep as we played Scrabble. They had all kinds of stories from people who, for one reason or another, were afraid to fall asleep. One guy shared about his "disorder" that would cause him to act his dreams out while he was sleeping - a really bad case of sleep-walking. The final straw was when he jumped, not out of, but through a second-story hotel room window in the middle of the night because he was dreaming that he was about to be hit by a missile. How weird are our minds that we can come up with this stuff and we have the potential to actually carry them out in real life and not know it?

For the past several nights in a row, I've had a freak out about something in my sleep. Last night it was that Karl had to get up because he was going to be late. I started firmly tapping on his knee cap and insisting he check the time because he was going to be late to wherever he had to go. He told me he was not going to be late and that I should go back to sleep. I could not believe he was acting so non-chalant about being late. He didn't even care! He reluctantly checked the clock after telling me to be quiet and go back to bed. The time was 3:15am. Sorry babe! I was obviously dreaming, but Karl couldn't get back to sleep for a while after the hoopla. I have only vague recallections of this occurence and only after Karl announced that I will now be sleeping on the couch for my offense.

The night before last I woke Karl up at around the same time because I was convinced that there was a gigantic spider in the bed with us. I'm talking the size of a cat. I stood up on the bed and jumped over Karl's sleeping body and kept telling him very adamantly to get out of bed. He refused. I got so mad at him that he didn't care that there was a huge spider in the bed. He just told me that he couldn't get out of bed and I kept telling him that that's a ridiculous thing to say. Over and over we went back and forth until I woke up and realized that I was probably dreaming. I was still a little perturbed that he just flat out told me he couldn't get out of bed. I calmly climbed back over Karl and checked under the sheets - just to be sure there was indeed no spider cat in our bed - and fell back asleep instantly. I asked him about it the next morning and he vaguely remembers the ordeal, but he thought that it was hilarious that he told me he "couldn't" get out of bed.

Apparently, this kind of stuff happens a lot in our bed at night and it's becoming more frequent. The show we listened to mentioned that people who act out their dreams have a Dopamine deficiency so their bodies aren't able to regulate their sleep cycles. I'm not really sure if that could explain why this has been happening to me almost every night lately, but it's worth looking into I guess. I don't really want to sleep on the couch, and Karl's getting pretty tired of being woken up to me insisting that he get out of bed.

The last time this happened was when Soren was first born. Almost every night for 2 months, I would wake up sometime after having nursed Soren in bed, frantically try to find him in our sheets. Somehow my brain never remembered that I put him back in the co-sleeper after I was done feeding him and I was convinced that he was under our sheets. I felt the same exact panic that any parent would if they thought their baby had suffocated, except I was literally half asleep. Every night Karl would comfort me as I was madly tossing sheets all over the bed repeating "I can't find him...I can't find him!" Karl would ask me if he was in the co-sleeper and, of course, he always was.

Dreams are such a weird thing to me. We have other lives and crazy thoughts to live out that we would never have in our waking hours. I'm getting a little scared that my dreams aren't staying put in dreamland and although I know (or hope) this happens to everyone once in a while, my "episodes" are becoming more and more frequent. I guess I've got some research to do...

So Far So Good

2008-08-07T16:57:00.000-07:00

Well, we made it successfully into August! It has been full of fun, family and driving so far. My family reunion in Cambria was really special and it brought back a lot of memories of growing up with all of my cousins. Apparently, there was a lot more singing in my family than in other families, because all of the "newer" in-laws seemed a little scared when we burst out in song. Of course Soren loved it and kept wanting to get ahold of my aunt's guitar during our sing-along. I think he's a great addition to my musical family.

Stancie and Adam leave in a couple of days and I'm amazed at how fast 10 days go by. I will post more pictures of their stay in a few days, but here's a teaser for you until then...

Soren has officially reached the age where he wants to try on shoes. He was adamant about getting into Uncle Adam's Vans...I love it!

July....You Don't Want to Hurt Me

2008-07-30T07:39:00.000-07:00

We've almost made it through the month of July alive. It was a close one though.

Here's a little taste of our month:

At the beginning of the month, Karl got food poisoning that lasted 2 days. At the same time, I got mastitis. Both of us were sicker than we had been in a long time and were completely useless.
Right after our bouts with sickness, Karl took off for a 2 week tour of the Bay Area with his Construction Management summer class.
Soren and I joined Karl for the 2nd half of his trip and stayed with my family in Pleasanton. I spent my days with Soren and my Aunt Christie, laying out by the pool, taking the dogs for walks, hanging out with my cousin and enjoying being away from my crazy life at home.
Right after we got back from up north, we turned back around and drove to Santa Cruz for Karl's mom's family reunion. Karl's grandparents and aunt from Alaska got to meet Soren for the first time, and I got to meet a lot of people for the first time too!
After the reunion Karl's parents, grandparents and aunt headed down our way to spend the week in Cambria. We somehow managed to see them every night they were here. By the end of their stay, Soren really warmed up to them and I think he understands that he's part of a really special family.
Soren got 4 molars. The uppers were especially hard, giving him a fever of 102 degrees and making him the unhappiest he's ever been. We've had some looooooonnnggg nights this month.
Soren learned three new things: 1.) How to eat with a spoon. 2.) How to throw a tantrum. 3.) How to give (close-mouthed) kisses.
The last day of this month (tomorrow) will be a great end to a crazy month. My sister and her husband are flying into SLO for our family reunion. (Yes, a lot of reunions this month!) They will stay for 10 days, which will be their first trip back here together since Soren was born. Soren's already practicing all of his new skills to show off.

So there you have it, a little glimpse into our July. As you can see it was a pretty wild ride. Needless to say, we're looking forward to August!

Raaawr!

2008-07-12T14:06:00.001-07:00

Karl and I have been reading a lot of Good Night, Gorilla to Soren lately. He loves when we make the sounds of the animals as we flip through the pages (the armadillo is a tricky one.) We noticed that Soren started repeating us when we would "raawr" for the lion. Of course, we thought this was the cutest thing ever to happen.

On Thursday when I was home alone with Soren, getting ready for work, I put him in his crib so I could take a shower. I set him up with some books (not Good Night, Gorilla though) and a bunch of toys to play with while he had some alone time. Here's what happened when I walked by his room after my shower.

This is just another example of us not giving him enough credit for the stuff he can do. Not only does he know what sound the lion makes, he can pick them out of any old book! We realize this is something every baby at this age can probably do - we're impressed anyway.

Since we have a lot of time alone at night due to Soren's 7pm bedtime, Karl and I LOVE watching videos of our little buddy after he's gone to bed. This one has just topped the list!

P.S. Notice that whine and expressive eyebrow raising and furrowing? I'm getting a LOT of that lately....welcome to toddlerhood!

Happy Birthday Sören!

2008-06-08T15:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we celebrated one year with Soren. Starting on Friday night, I started rehashing all of the details of my labor with him. I would tell him what time of day my water broke and when my contractions started (a.k.a. "When you told Mama it was time to come out.") I reminded him of when I started pushing (12pm) and when he was finally born (3:15pm.) He just looked back at me blankly. I guess it was more for me than him to recount all of the details. I just could not believe it had been a year since my life changed so dramatically.

When I was lying in the hospital bed at midnight having been up for 2 days straight (oh yeah, and giving birth most of that time) I remember thinking how no one warned me how hard it would be. I wasn't naive when it came to caring for babies; I had done it for other families and really, almost everyone does it - how hard could it be? Now I realize that there's just no way words can prepare someone for how life changing birth and caring for a new baby can be. You suddenly go from an individual who can eat, sleep, bathe and live on your own terms, to a parasitic host that is no longer living solely for yourself. Obviously, being a Mama is a lot more fulfilling than being a "host", but in those early days you feel like you are constantly giving all that you could possibly give of yourself. If I only would have known how fast that time would go by, I would have cherished it a little more. Or maybe not - who knows.

Soren has suddenly turned into a little boy. Every day it seems like he's doing something new and I'm finally realizing that almost every parent must feel the way I do - that I have birthed the sweetest, smartest baby in the world! It's hard not to be so overtaken with pride and amazement these days - but I try to keep my head strapped on (for the most part.)

His party had me stressed for a few days, but it turned out to be a really fun time to celebrate with our friends and family. I thought Soren might feel overwhelmed with so much going on but he didn't seem to mind the hang out time at all. He did a great job of sitting through opening two of his presents and LOVED his organic oat and applesauce muffin/birthday cake topped with hand whipped cream. His favorite part was playing with all of his friends and test driving his new Radio Flyer wagon. It's amazing to see how many people love our little guy. We truly are blessed with amazing people in our lives and it makes me feel so blessed that Soren will grow up with that kind of friendship around him. I am so looking forward to another incredible year with Soren!

Here are some pictures from his special day...

Another Month Has Gotten Away

2008-05-30T12:55:00.000-07:00

It's crazy what having a child can do to your sense of time. I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but this month has gone by way too fast. There's a lot going on around the Lundeen household these days, so it's no surprise.

I started two new jobs: Working at The Sock Drawer and as a nanny for a 9-month-old little girl. The Sock Drawer is a really nice break away from my responsibilities at home and a chance to be around adults for a couple of days a week. (I truly love playing, singing, dancing, feeding and reading to Soren every day, but sometimes I start to feel a little crazy.) Plus, anyone who knows me, knows I love socks. It's a pretty perfect fit. With the help of my mom, and a couple really sweet friends, I am able to leave him and not feel anxious about it. If you're a working mom, you know how valuable that is!

The other two days a week, Soren and I spend the entire day over at our friend's house while I care for their infant daughter. It's amazing how much easier my day is when I have my own built-in playmate for the baby I am caring for. Soren and Simone absolutely love playing with each other and I'm sure it's just going to get more fun as they grow up. (I'm also sure that it's going to have it's challenges as they both get more mobile and more independent.) It's so nice to be able to raise my own child while getting a little extra income at the same time. Plus, Soren is stoked to have access to an incredible amount of toys!

I am also busy contributing to Fig+Sage, the "green" blog that my sister and I started in March. It's becoming more and more popular, which we're really excited about. We get a chance to review products and decide if they're cool enough to go on the blog. It's a lot of fun to be working with my sister on a project like this, we're already learning a lot and making new friends.

Karl is busier than ever, which I didn't know was possible. I can't even remember how many all-nighters he has pulled within the last month. It's intense - that's all I can say. We've got another 2 weeks to go until summer and then he starts summer classes. If anyone tells me that they miss Karl, I usually tell them that I do too. It's the truth.

Hopefully this post explains why we have been such elusive friends and family members these past several months. It's not that we don't love you, or think about you, or wish we could spend more time with you. It's just that we're trying to hold on to our hats as we ride through this season of our life. We always appreciate phone calls or emails, we're just not the best at replying to them. I'll try to be better about updating the blog with any important events so that we can stay a little more connected. Thanks for understanding!

I'll be back soon to post pictures of Soren's first birthday party. I can't believe I'm going to have a 1-year-old in a couple of weeks...wild!

The Big 1

2008-05-24T14:54:00.000-07:00

Soren is turning 1 and having his first birthday party on June 7. This fact just hit me the other day and I am in fast planning mode. I just got the invitation out a couple of days ago, thanks to my dear friends Seth and Skylana. Seth personally designed the invitation and it's so special to have his 1st birthday invitations made by one of Soren's favorite people. (Seriously, Soren LOVES Seth's band.) Here's a little taste of what it looks like...

The elephant (hand drawn by Seth) actually walks in the real invitation - so cool. Thanks Seth!

A few of you have asked what Soren might want as a gift. Of course no gifts are required, or even expected (I hope this goes without saying.) If you would like to give him a gift over and above your love for him, you can check out his wishlists at Amazon.com, Speeses.com and Kate Quinn Organics. All of the links to these sites can be found on the right hand side of this blog under Soren's Birthday Wish Lists.

Now I'm off to look for a cake recipe that won't put him into a sugar coma on his birthday...

Baby Steps

2008-04-30T18:38:00.000-07:00

...quite literally! Today Sören (yes, this one deserves the umlauts) took his first step without support - and didn't fall down! I reached out my hand to help him from the chair to the coffee table and he refused the help and tried it on his own - and it worked! Who knows if this means he'll be walking soon, but it's a very important milestone that Mama must not forget to put in the baby book (Erin, go find the book and start writing now!)

We didn't get a picture of it, but here are a couple that were taken today...the day of Sören's first steps!

Playing Bicycle with Mama

Practicing his standing skills

Month in Review

2008-04-29T15:00:00.000-07:00

Wow! It has been almost a month since I've posted here. My sister and I have been busy starting our own blog and that has taken up my spare blogging time. I will do my best to recap the past month...

First of all, I feel like Soren has really become a little boy this month. I mean, he was always a "boy" but now he's doing boy stuff. It's all so weird to me and at times I am absolutely shocked by how old he's getting. Most of the time I find myself not giving him enough credit for things he's able to do on his own. I have loved every stage of his life so far and I hope to find something to love in every stage of his life (yes, even the teenage years) but sometimes I get a little sad that he's not so tiny anymore. I'm not dwelling on it though, and I'm really loving this new stage where he is so aware of the things we do together.

It is so fun to see him trying to interact with the world around him. He talks to us quite a bit and he loves to sing and dance and drum on just about anything that will make a sound. He loves music, but much to Karl's disappointment, he prefers Mama's music (what can I say, that's the least I should get for all the time I spend raising him. :) He is also really into sharing right now. He will hold something out for us to take, but then quickly tries to get it back. It's so fun seeing him figure out all of these life rules.

He's now up to three words (that we can understand), so now he has "Aaaah-da" (all done), "Nigh-nigh" (how he asks to be put to bed) and "That" (said perfectly with the "th" sound and all.) He uses it to ask the names of things around him, mostly buttons - his obsession.

Soren is still about 2 inches taller than all of the babies his age, which is not a huge surprise. I am always so conscious of how long his pants are and if they get to be at all around his ankles I get in a little panic. Karl reassures me that it doesn't matter because he's just a baby, but it's obvious I'm projecting some of my own insecurities onto my child. I will try to stop this soon. :)

We're noticing his little will coming out more and more these days and he makes his wishes very clear on most issues, mostly food choices and being told he can't have the remote, cell phone, camera, etc. He loves technology - he's his father's son, that's for sure.

OK, enough of the mom gushing -we have lives other than Soren too (it's hard to tell from this blog though!) My latest news is that I am working again. It's going to be quite an adjustment going from being home all week to only being home 3 days. I actually like the jobs that I have, so that makes the transition easier.

Karl is still busy with the last quarter of this school year - it's, by far, the hardest one yet. We've been super fortunate to have been able to ease into the architecture major for the past few years and now we're in "the trenches." Karl's doing a great job of juggling school, work and papahood, although it's not an easy task. We're all making it work, but it's definitely a "day at a time" kind of thing.

So there you go...a little update on our lives. And here's a precious little picture for your viewing pleasure....

The Life of an ArchiPapa

2008-04-04T16:32:00.001-07:00

Fig+Sage

2008-04-01T15:59:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, my sister and I have done a lot of research and other work to start our own business in the organic skin care industry. Through testing many products, that we'd eventually love to sell ourselves, we have come up with an impressive list of great products. Since we're at a bit of a standstill with the business side of things, we decided to blog about these great products, because we are so passionate about them.

Check out Fig+Sage and find some fabulous products that are good for your body, soul and the environment!

Some of the companies that we are plugging will give us a percentage of the sale if you click on the links we provide in the blog, so if you want to buy anything do it through our site...please :).

Enjoy!

So Proud

2008-03-16T22:31:00.000-07:00

Last week was nuts for our family. Karl was working madly on finishing a group project for his architecture studio class and pulled 3 all-nighters in a row. Needless to say, we were both exhausted from his demanding school schedule and Soren was probably wondering if he had a father anymore.

On Friday, Soren and I went to Cal Poly to see the model that Karl's group had been working so diligently on for the past few months. His model was in a dark room with several other projects from students in his class; some were obviously better than others. Soren was so happy to see his Papa again and reached out for him as soon as we got there. For the first time in his life he was bashful around the new people who wanted to meet him and he clung to Karl like I had never seen before.

As we were standing around, admiring the HUGE (taller than me) model of a skyscraper in Dubai that Karl and his group spent hours on, I asked who would be taking this one home. We have maxed out our capacity to house anymore architecture models in our apartment, so I was hoping the other two guys would offer. At that same moment, Karl's professor walked up and said that she thought it belonged in the university archives! After wondering the whole quarter what she was going to think about their project (she was skeptical about their concept), she now thought it was worthy to save!

That's not all...this morning Karl received an email from his professor, informing him that his project was requested by other professors in the engineering and landscape architecture departments as an example of an excellent model! It will also be reviewed by the National Council of Architectural Registration Board to evaluate Karl's professor (a process that is only done every 5 years!)

As you can probably tell, I am beaming with pride for my husband. This success is just another confirmation that he is doing what he loves AND that he is excellent at it. Yes, I might complain about not having a husband who is around as much as I would like, but I am confident that he is right where he should be right now. This is just a glimpse of the pride I will feel on graduation day!

Back by Popular Demand

2008-03-04T09:27:00.000-08:00

Well, you asked for more pictures and I listened. (Actually, Karl just gave me back the card reader so I could upload these pictures.) So here you are, my friends, documentation of extreme cuteness...

Helping Mama with the laundry

Like I said before, kids don't need fancy toys :)

We're starting to get concerned that he spends too much time with Violet.
His new favorite thing to do is put something in his mouth
and crawl around with it everywhere he goes.
He thinks it's quite funny.

More to come...stay tuned.

I'm not one for surveys

2008-02-26T10:52:00.000-08:00

I rarely ever fill out surveys, actually this is the second one of this kind that I have done. Seems like a fun thing to do and Soren is perfectly content to play for a while, so here goes...

1. What is your occupation? Full-time Mama
2. What color are your socks right now? No socks right now. But I do LOVE striped socks!!
3. What are you listening to right now? Ah-ah-ah-da-da-da (in a happy tone...it's very sweet.)
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Some of Soren's breakfast - apples, blueberries, oats, amaranth and quinoa cereal.
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Oh yeah, quite well actually. It's impressive. I drive an automatic usually, but I pick it back up whenever I drive Karl's truck.
6. What color would you be, if you were a color? Purple...isn't this just asking what your favorite color is?
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Skylana
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes I do.
9. How old are you today? 27
10. Favorite drink? Raspberry Italian Cream Soda
11. What is your favorite sport to watch? Volleyball. If Volleyball wasn't on, and there was nothing else to do, I would rather stare at a wall.
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, it's one of my favorite things to do. I don't do it much anymore though.
13. Pets? 1 saucy Golden Retriver.
14. Favorite food? Sweet Basil Tofu from Thai-riffic - the best!
15. Last movie you watched? "Rendition"
16. Favorite day of the year? Christmas
17. What do you do to vent anger? Cry. I always wish I had a punching bag though when I really need to get it out of me.
18. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies and Breyer horses
19. What is your favorite, fall or spring? Fall in Boulder is heaven.
20. Cherry or blueberry? Both fresh, neither cooked.
21. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? (Speaking generally, not about this survey.) Yeah, I love getting emails from friends ;)
22. Who is most likely to respond? My sister
23. Who is least likely to respond? Flo. She always gets in touch some other way.
24. What are your current living arrangements? Apartment with 1 husband, 1 dog, 1 baby.
25. When was the last time you cried? On Sunday when Karl was going to go to school for the whole day. (He didn't go.)
26. Who is the friend you’ve had the longest that you are sending this to? I'm not really sending it to her, but Flo has been my best friend for almost 22 years!
27. Favorite smell? The top of Soren's head, Weleda baby products and the essential oil of geranium.
28. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? The only hamburger I would ever eat is from In-n-Out - animal style, well done, mustard instead .
29. Favorite car? Cross between a Honda CR-V and Volvo Cross Country.
30. Favorite cat breed? Korat
31. Number of keys on your key ring? 5
32. How many years at your current job? Almost 9 months!
33. Favorite day of the week? Any day that Karl isn't working or at school or doing homework.
34. How many states have you lived in? 4 - California, Colorado, Minnesota, and a village (I know, not a state) in Germany.
35. What is your favorite hobby? I have a lot of things that I would like to be my hobbies, such as crocheting, making cards, scrapbooking. I have started these things many times and never seem to finish anything! I like to read and cook and once in a while I really like baking cakes.
36. Last book you read: "Three Cups of Tea" by Greg Mortenson.

Sticks and Stones

2008-02-21T13:48:00.000-08:00

No...not the ones you hurt people with, I'm talking about the ones kids once used as toys. As a nanny, I was fortunate enough to spend a lot of time observing which parenting styles worked and which did not. I learned some invaluable lessons during those years, here are the biggies:

1. Babies need LOTS of love - no matter what else is going on!
2. Babies need LOTS of sleep - no matter how much they protest.
3. Babies need good nutrition - no matter how hard or expensive it is to provide it.
4. Babies DO NOT need toys that flash and beep!!

The fourth point is the one I'm going to address in this particular blog, although I'm sure I'll address the others at some point (I'm pretty passionate about all of them!)

This morning Karl came home and wanted me to listen to an episode he heard on NPR entitled "Old-Fashioned Play Builds Serious Skills." The article/episode validated my current disdain for toys that flash lights and play music (noise.) The most appaulling (but not surprising) facts highlighted in this article was how different our kids are since we have introduced these kinds of imagination-killing toys into their lives. Instead of reciting the entire article, you can read it (or listen to it) if you would like here. Basically, we have a problem on our hands with children who do not know how to control themselves and do not know how to play if "Dora the Explorer" is not telling them what to do or a toy isn't lighting up their face as they play with it.

I have heard many parents tell me how they don't like the toys their kids play with or that they think their kids have too many. The weird thing to me is that they do nothing about it, like they are powerless to stop their kids from having these things. Sure, it is more difficult to ignore the commercialism or to kindly ask well-meaning gift-givers to forgo the "fun" toys and give clothes or books instead. Who wants to be the "bad guy?" The truth is, children know how to play instinctively, and it's us (the parents) who ultimately have the power to encourage or inhibit this in them. I know that no loving parent would intentionally curb their child's imagination, but many are unintentionally doing it all the time.

It is certainly not my intention to toot my own horn here - that is a huge peeve of mine in this already overly narcissistic blog world. I simply want to give some "food for thought" to any loving parent who wants the best for their kids - and that may just be a wooden spoon at playtime!

Trippin

2008-02-19T12:53:00.001-08:00

On Wednesday, Karl and I decided that we needed to get out of town. It was good timing since Karl did not have a thing to do this weekend (I don't remember the last time that has happened!) Our friends Jon and Kari from Wisconsin were going to be in San Diego for the weekend, so that became our destination. It was a whirlwind trip but so worth every rushed minute of it. We gave Soren another chance at being a good road tripper, and boy did he meet prove himself (although he had only 12 hours in the car as opposed to 50 on our last trip to WA.)

This post would be a lot more interesting if I actually had pictures to show you of our activities, but we were so busy, we forgot to get the camera out to capture them! So picture this...

We pack up the car and head out of town on Friday afternoon. Meet up with Karl's cousin Brandon for dinner at California Pizza Kitchen in Thousand Oaks. Check into our hotel in San Diego around 10:30pm.

We get up at 7:30 on Saturday morning, get in the car to find something to eat. Find a cool, locally owned natural grocery store and get smoothies and baby food. Go back to the hotel to take Soren for his first swim. (This is where a picture would come in handy.) Swim takes about 3 minutes as the pool is too cold for little babies. Go back to the room and get ready for the day. Meet our long-lost friends for some yummy Thai lunch. Stuff our faces. Drive to Encinitas to walk along the beach. (Picture would be nice.) Stop for some coffee and treats. Head back to the hotel with just enough time to change. Meet up with Jon and Kari again at a fancy restaurant called "Venice" for some delectable Italian fare. Stuff our faces once more. Call it a night and say goodbye at 10:00pm.

The next morning we got up early to head down to La Jolla to meet Karl's cousin Märit for brunch. After trying to find parking for 45 minutes, we had lunch in an old beach house - complete with whitewashed walls and painted blue hardwood floors (a picture is worth a thousand words.) After our brief visit, we got back in the car and started our journey back home.

Trips like these are refreshing for us and we both need a little change of scenery, even for a few days, once in a while. What's even better is sharing it with family and friends! We hope that Soren grows up to love a spontaneous adventure every now and then and will be blessed with amazing friends and family like we have.

The Lundeen Factor

2008-02-10T22:16:00.000-08:00

Soren plays hardball over black beans and avocado. I think we might have a future pundit on our hands. Maybe someday he'll be on The Colbert Report!?

8 months with Soren

2008-02-08T13:14:00.001-08:00

Yesterday Soren turned 8 months old...a fact that absolutely blows my mind. It honestly feels like a few days ago that I birthed him into this world, but our lives have been so wrapped up in him for the past 8 months that it's hard to imagine life without him. I have wanted to write a blog about my birth experience and I figure that there's no time like 8 months after the fact to do it! So here goes (in a nutshell - it was 21 hours long!)...

On June 6, two days after my "due date", my water broke at 10:00am while I was on the phone with my friend Sarah. I had no contractions at that point, so I called my midwife to let her know and then I carried on with my day. I remember walking Violet over to the bank that day and the teller asked me when I was due, I told her that my water had broken that morning and she all but called 911 to have them take me to the hospital. I assured her that I did not need to be at the hospital and that walking was actually one of the best things I could be doing at that time.

Karl went to school and work that day while I prepared our house for the birth. After he got home from school we went out to eat at Cabo San Luis (I had a good excuse to not make dinner that night.) I wouldn't know until later that the contractions actually started as I was eating those scrumptious fish tacos. The sensation was much different than what I had anticipated, just an intense pressure in my pelvis - a menstrual period times ten.

At around 9pm, I called my family and those who were planning to be at the birth to let them know that I thought I was probably going into labor soon. Everyone was on standby until things picked up. Karl and I got ready for bed around 10, knowing that we would have a long day ahead of us in the morning. We got in bed and it quickly became obvious to me that we would not be sleeping that night. I finally realized that the strange pressures I had been feeling in my pelvis were the contractions I had been waiting for. I then labored on the toilet and in the shower until midnight and then we called our midwife when the contractions got close together and I was not able to talk through them.

The birth team slowly trickled in our house as I labored in bed, with my birth playlist on the computer and my Aveda candles burning to calm me. I was so proud of myself for handling the pain with complete relaxation, just like we had learned to do in 10 weeks of Bradley classes. The pain was completely localized in my pelvis and lower back, I had no pain whatsoever in my abdominal area like I had planned for. (I would later come to realize that I was experiencing "back labor.")

My midwife let me labor for a few more hours before she checked me, but I was convinced, because of the intensity of the pressure in my pelvis, that this baby was coming soon. The assistants started to fill up the tub in our dining room in preparation for my planned waterbirth. I started labor already being 1 centimeter dilated, so it came as a huge shock when my midwife announced that I was only 3 centimeters dilated. I tried not to get discouraged, because I knew things like this happened and I was prepared to let Soren come on his own terms. My midwife, however, was not thrilled about the lack of progress especially because I started running a low-grade fever and Soren's heart rate was becoming a little erratic. She gave me 2 hours to progress significantly, so I quickly got out of my relaxing "den" and started to walk around the apartment complex to speed things along. Karl, my best friend Flo and my doula came along for the stroll, each taking turns holding my IV bag or me as I walked/contracted.

After watching the sun come up while I diligently walked my way through labor, I was checked again, this time positive that I would almost be ready to push. "Oh honey", were the next words I heard out of my midwife's mouth. I could tell by her tone of voice and the look on her face that she was about to announce bad news. I was only 5 centimeters and my fever was not going down. I knew at that moment that I would not be having the home birth I wanted and planned for. I had a meltdown on my bed while Flo talked to me about how I was feeling. Her words were so encouraging to me and she helped me think straight through the pain and disappointment. She knew that I wanted the safest possible outcome for Soren, so I didn't have to worry about sounding selfish for mourning the loss of the birth I had hoped for.

At approximately 7 am we all drove to the hospital for what has now been deemed in my memory as "the longest 10 minutes ever spent in the car." When we arrived at French Hospital I was greeted by the nicest nurses who encouraged me birth however I felt comfortable. So I refused the ugly hospital gown and tried all of the tricks they had on hand to help me labor effectively - birthing ball, squatting bar, toilet, long hallways, etc.

At 12 noon, 26 hours after my water broke, I started to get the urge to push. I felt so relieved that I would be over the pain and finally be able to meet my little one soon. Well, soon was not as soon as I thought. After the first 2 hours of pushing, I was starting to get a little discouraged. The on-call midwife consulted with my midwife and told her that she would prefer I get an epidural and start on Pitocin to help things progress faster. She made sure to inform her that this was a conservative treatment plan, as the on-call OB would have preferred to start prepping the OR for a C-Section. Karl and I discussed it, and after finding out that both the baby and I were doing just fine (albeit exhausted) we refused both options and continued what we had been doing. After probably a hundred announcements from my encouraging birth team (all of whom had birthed without drugs) that I had "one more push" to go, I started to give up hope that I would ever see this so-called baby.

After 3 hours and 15 minutes of using every ounce of my strength to get Soren out, he slid out into the hands of the on-call midwife and Karl. He was immediately placed on my chest, like we had requested but I was too exhausted to lift my head up to look at him. When my mom helped me lift my head up, my eyes could not focus on his face. It was as if everything went into shut-down mode as soon as he was out. No feelings of elation, no adrenalin rush, no shouting or tears of joy - just sheer exhaustion and relief that it was over. It didn't take long for me to fall more in love with that little bundle than I had been before. There is nothing like looking at the face of your own child for the first time and the love that you feel for them compares to nothing else.

We spent the night in the hospital that night so they could keep an eye on me after a very exhausting labor and pretty significant blood loss after the birth. After how hesitant I was going to the hospital, it was strangely bittersweet leaving. I had been through something pretty traumatic (as much as I hate to admit that, it was) and I liked the feeling of having people devoted to taking care of me around the clock. Once we got home, I felt relaxed and excited although the reminders of my planned home birth put an ache in my heart that would not go away until several weeks later.

I am thankful for how the story of Soren's birth played out, although it couldn't have been further from what I had hoped and planned for. I guess this is what happens when you are patient enough and willing to let birth unfold how it may, instead of forcing it to happen how someone else thinks it should.

Well, I finished this post in the exact time Soren needed for his afternoon nap and now he is squealing in his crib for me to come pick him up. I am so overwhelmed by how special this little guy is and just how much I love him. There is no other task on earth that can humble a person as much as being a parent, and I am thankful for the chance to do it.

Happy Shopper

2008-01-18T13:28:00.000-08:00

Karl and I can't help but laugh when we look at this picture. We took Soren to Target the other day, and we decided to see if he could sit by himself in the cart for a few minutes. We were shocked, but he could, and he loved every second of it. He was so proud of himself and he hung on tight and kicked his new little shoes while we shopped. Pretty cute, if I do say so myself.

Beautiful Morning

2008-01-17T09:21:00.000-08:00

After several days of feeling like I'm approaching my wits end from countless night wakings and separation anxiety, this morning something happened that made it all worth it. I got not one, not two, but FOUR kisses (on the lips mind you) from my little boy. I think he knows how much sleep, time, love, and energy I sacrifice for him, so he wants me to know how much he appreciates it. At least this is what I like to tell myself.

Da Da Da

2008-01-12T11:38:00.000-08:00

Over the holidays, Soren decided to work on a lot of his skills - one of them being his language. With the help of my sister, he explored many new syllables. Here's Soren practicing his new skills with his new toy from Grandma and Grandpa Lundeen on Christmas morning...

Waaaaaay Behind

2008-01-11T23:22:00.000-08:00

It's 11:30pm and I cannot stop thinking of things that I have neglected over the past few weeks. This blog is one of them. Don't worry, I haven't run out of material (I have plenty of that), I just cannot seem to find the time to sit down and write about it.

Soren keeps me very busy with all of the new tricks he is trying out these days; his newest one being pulling himself up to standing! Just last night he decided to try this one out, and it worked out pretty well for him. When he's not trying to pull himself up on things, he is crawling around the house while I teach him which things are OK to touch and which things aren't (i.e., electrical outlets and Violet's toys.) He is now sitting without help and he used sign language for the first time today ("more")!

Every day I am so amazed at him and how much he is growing. I am so in love with this little guy and I'm still baffled at how my heart always feels like it's on the verge of bursting. Motherhood is crazier than I expected, and one of the downsides is not having unlimited amounts of time to do the things I would like to do (like blog!) For now, I'll leave you with a picture of Soren and his Auntie and a promise that I'll be back soon...

Dog For Sale

2007-12-13T14:01:00.001-08:00

Enough said.

A Christmas Meme

2007-12-07T21:16:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by Flo!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Well, it depends. I LOVE using thick, cute (and expensive) wrapping paper and topping it off with a coordinating fabric ribbon. There are times though that it's just not practical to wrap every gift that way.

2. Real or fake tree?

REAL! One of my favorite things about the Christmas season is going to get our tree. Both Karl and I were total psychos when it came to getting the perfect Christmas tree when we were growing up. Not much has changed since then. And seriously, nothing compares to the smell of a fresh pine tree in your house!

3. When do you put up the tree?

Usually the first weekend in December. We're strong believers that you should allow at least a couple of weeks between one holiday and start of the next.

4. When do you take the tree down?

It's never up past New Years Day (unless we are traveling.) It's usually pretty dead by then and a major fire hazard since we're not the best at watering our trees.

5. Do you like eggnog?

Not really. I guess I like smelling it, but the ingredients kind of gross me out.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

A porcelain puppy that my parents gave me when I was 5. I played with it the entire day and made a make-shift crate for it to sleep in. When it was time to go home, I was trying to juggle the crate and puppy and open the door to get outside. I dropped it and it fell to pieces on the tile floor. I didn't even have it for 24 hours.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

Nope. Sad, huh?

8. Hardest person to buy for?

My mom.

9. Easiest person to buy for?

Karl. It's always a battle trying to narrow it down. It's going to be bad news when/if we ever have money.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

Survival gear - in case we got stranded in a snow storm on the way back to Colorado.

11. Mail or e-mail Christmas cards?

Mail. I'm really proud of myself for getting our cards out before Christmas this year!

12. Favorite Christmas movie?

I don't really know of any Christmas movies, except Miracle on 34th Street. I used to love watching that movie during the holidays, and apparently, I used to love watching Dylan McDermott too! (Thanks for that memory Flo!)

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

Usually December. I am not a pre-planner when it comes to shopping for presents.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

Not that I recall.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Pfeffernusse that my mom makes. Yummy!

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?

No question about it - WHITE!

17. Favorite Christmas song?

The Sarah McLachlan and BNL version of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen." I'm in love with "It Really Is (A Wonderful Life)" by Mindy Smith and "Sister Winter" by Sufjan Stevens. "Merry Christmas Darling" by The Carpenters always makes me feel really festive.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

Changes (ideally) every year.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

Nope. My mom hates Santa Claus (or the idea of him), so I don't know much about him or his entourage.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

Star. Angels creep me out.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

It's a family tradition that we open 1 gift late at night on Christmas Eve. It's always pajamas, which means a lot because it is not an easy task finding pajamas that are long enough for me. (Thanks mom!)

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?

The "Christmas Shoes" song.

23. What I love most about Christmas?

Giving the perfect gift. Drinking cider. Cold weather. Being with family. Decorating the tree. Listening to Christmas music. Baking Pfeffernusse. Waking up to a white Christmas. Wait...

I hereby tag Caris and Betsy.

Wounded Soldier

2007-12-05T15:22:00.000-08:00

Soren has been up to some new tricks lately. He's been practicing this crawling thing for several weeks now, but it's really starting to get faster. Today I finally caught a brief moment of him crawling on video. (Yes, this is considered crawling - right Sarah?) You have to be patient, because he holds out until the very end. Nevertheless, there's some cuteness to be enjoyed throughout. I can't believe I have a little boy who can already get around.

I'm Ready to Talk About It

2007-12-04T17:39:00.000-08:00

It has taken me almost 2 months to talk about the fact that our cat James is not with us anymore. That's not a euphemism, he's still alive - he's just not with us anymore.

When we went to the pound to find a little gray kitten (just like my childhood cat), we looked all around and only found one. Just one scroungy gray kitten with conjunctivitis. We asked if there were more in the back. There weren't. So we decided that he was the one. That's how our life with James began. We loved having another little being in our home, despite all of his little (big) quirks.

Fast forward 4 years later, when our lives were about to change in a big way. In September 2006 we added a Golden Retriever to our lives, finally fulfilling our desire to raise a dog (and to fill the baby void in our lives until we were done with school.) The *funny* part about that is that I was actually pregnant when we picked our puppy up from the airport. So, within a year we went from having a quiet life with just us and our cat to a full house! James had a hard time with the change. He missed our quiet life.

After Soren was born, two bad things started happening. Soren would sneeze whenever he was around James. I figured that since he had been around him since birth, then he would escape any allergies to cats, but I couldn't deny what I saw every time. Also, James started acting out in really unbecoming ways - obviously protesting his new position in the family. We felt awful that we had to look for a new home for him, but our little baby took priority.

When I had to say my final good-bye to James, I lost it. As much as I tried to harden my heart and tell myself it was just an animal, I couldn't kid myself. He was our first baby and we had so many memories with him. I felt like an evil woman and he probably felt confused.

Anyway, tonight I was cleaning my kitchen and noticed something that I had been purposely ignoring for months. James' food bowl, still on our kitchen floor with tiny cat food crumbs left from his last meal at home. I haven't been able to even deal with the fact that he's really gone, so his food bowl has remained untouched this whole time. Karl and I haven't really been able to talk about it, so hardly any of our friends know that James is gone. Tonight I realized that I was ready to talk about it. Thanks for listening, even if it was just about a cat.

On the Road Again

2007-11-29T09:57:00.000-08:00

It's no secret that Karl and I love road trips. When we don't have a trip to look forward to, we get a little antsy. We love planning the trips and we're proud of ourselves when we can push ourselves to get to our destination without having to stop to rest. Some of our best memories are from exploring the world (or at least the Unites States) from inside of our car.

Ever since Sören came around, we've been anxious to see if he would share our love for the road. For the first time since he's been born, we had the opportunity to hit the road with him this Thanksgiving.

To sum it up, the trip to Washington was a bit hellish. Sören caught Karl's cold the night before we left, so none of us were rested for the trip ahead. The next night in the hotel room, Sören woke every 20 minutes. So between Karl and I, we probably got about 2 hours of sleep. Between stopping to feed Soren and the "day before Thanksgiving" traffic jams, the total time it took us to get from SLO to Seattle was 25 hours - that's almost 10 hours more than it was "supposed" to take.

Once we arrived at Karl's brother's house, we were able to relax and enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving feast with family, tour Seattle (a small part of it) and visit our friends, the Wilkes (whose backyard is shown here), on Vashon Island. Sören was able to get acquainted with his cousins and meet his Grandpa Lundeen and aunt and uncle for the first time too!

All in all, we had a great time in the Pacific Northwest - it's definitely our kind of place. Sören, however, would have preferred to be in his own crib, in his own house. We're definitely not going to give up on road trips, we're just going to plan realistically in the future.

There's a First Time for Everything

2007-11-14T10:03:00.000-08:00

Last night we had dinner with our friends Ryan & Sarah. They are the kind of friends that you can descend upon with little warning and they will graciously make you a delicious meal, hold interesting conversation and not make you feel bad for leaving early to do homework. They also have a 5-month-old baby (born a week after Soren), so that makes hanging out even more fun!

Here's a picture of Soren and his friend Hattie at 6-weeks-old; taking their baby naps together on the Miller's couch...

Lately Soren has been VERY interested in watching people eat and he tries desperately to get a grip on anything we are about to consume. I have wanted to hold him off from eating solid food until he reached 6 months, so that his digestive system has some time to mature a little more. After weeks of watching him reach out for our food as we eat, I decided very spontaneously that I would let him try some solid food last night. I had some very yummy avocado in the salad Sarah made for us, and I held it out for Soren to try. He grabbed my hand and shoved it in his mouth. What happened next amazed me......he loved it!!! I think the key is reading your baby's cues and not going with a one-size-fits-all approach to feeding (and everything else for that matter.) Soren was ready for something more in his life and for the next week, that something will be some delicious and nutritious avocado!

Thanks to Sarah, I have a picture of his first bites...

And if you thought I was done with the "firsts", you're mistaken! (I'll make this one brief.) I had a dream last night that I was listening to Kelly Ripa (what can I say...it was a dream) talk about her baby sleeping through the night. In that dream I was thinking to myself, "Wouldn't that be nice" or "Maybe someday." I awoke a couple minutes later to the sound of the monitor relaying the sound of little feet softly kicking. This is when I know Soren is up. I looked at the clock and it read 7:55am. I suddenly realized that my little man had been sleeping for 12 hours - straight!! This is quite a monumental occasion for a mom who can't remember the last time she slept the whole night through. I tried to capture a picture of my well-rested baby in his crib and somehow jacked the camera up in the process, so the pictures I took are blurry. You can still get the idea of how happy he is with himself...

OK, my apologies to anyone who made it through that whole post and isn't a parent or who doesn't care about babies. I know that must have been hard to get through.

Family Photos

2007-11-13T12:20:00.000-08:00

So, ever since we got married 6.5 years ago, we have gotten just a handful of pictures of the two of us. Needless to say, we were in desperate need of some good pictures where we were both in the same frame! Now that we have added to our family with one perfect photo subject (if I do say so myself), it was clear that now was the time. Our amazingly talented friend Ken so kindly offered to take pictures of our family to build up his photography portfolio. We eagerly accepted.

Here's what happened after that...

Catch Up

2007-11-10T13:56:00.000-08:00

So, it's painfully obvious that we need to spruce up our blog, but I've wasted way too much of my Saturday trying with no luck to find a cool layout. (Any suggestions would be appreciated!) Instead of waiting until this blog is perfect, I thought I'd start posting/sharing so you can be updated on our lives. Sören is just growing too fast to wait around for blog perfection. Here are a few highlights from Soren's life so far...

Rolls over on September 18 (15 weeks old)
Up on elbows and knees and ready for take off on October 29th (almost 5 months old)
Gets his first 2 teeth (lower) the next day
Gets 2 more teeth 2 days later (yes, it's been rough)

So as you can see, things have been changing fast around here! Here are some recent pictures of our life. At this point I am unable to capture the elusive new teeth...Soren is more interested in biting on anything that comes close to his mouth than smiling for the camera.

Say Hello

2007-11-09T14:00:00.000-08:00

Welcome to our first blog as a family of 3....well, 4 if you count Violet.

If you know us at all, you know that we are the WORST at keeping in touch. We are hoping that we'll be able to redeem ourselves just a little with this semi-regular journal of our lives.

Sören still doesn't have a baby journal, so this will mostly be a journal of his life. If babies bore you, we suggest finding another, more exciting blog to read. However, if you happen to like babies, and more specifically, Sören, then this blog will be sure to please!