On Being Tall, Poor and Pregnant...

Just days after I found out I was pregnant, I started searching the internet frantically to find out if there were any more options for tall women out there that weren't available when I was pregnant with Soren. I've always known that finding tall maternity clothes would be a problem for me. When I actually got pregnant, that thought became reality and I was constantly frustrated by the lack of options out there. Luckily, when I was pregnant with Soren my mom bought me a pair of Citizens of Humanity maternity jeans that were just barely long enough but oh-so-cute. I loved them, really loved them. I had never had a pair of designer jeans before and there was just something about feeling sexy and fashionable when I was feeling the very oppostite of that. It seemed like no matter what I was wearing on top, it would always look dressier and more put together with my great-fitting jeans to compliment them. Anyways, I wore those jeans for months after I gave birth because my over-extended belly refused to go back to where it came from. Then....I sold them on ebay. I know, why would I do such a thing? Well, the truth is - I needed the money to buy some non-maternity jeans that would fit me. I couldn't afford to have those designer jeans sit in my dresser while I had nothing to wear. I got a very decent amount for them, which is the nice part about investing in a good pair of jeans. Still, today I'm wishing I could pull out those Citizens and feel that cute again.

So, that brings me back to where I am today. Just totally frustrated by the lack of options out there for tall pregnant women. I usually buy my non-maternity jeans from Gap, at prices that most of my friends would gasp at (because they are short) but they are one of the only places I have found that carry 36" inseams in cute styles. Well, not even Gap has come to my rescue with the maternity issue. They only go up to 34" in their tall maternity jeans. So what is a girl to do? Drool over another pair of Citizens jeans. So that's what I'm doing. Here's my latest crush...


In a glorious 35" inseam (yes, that's what I wear), these jeans are the perfect solution to my maternity dilemma. They are a different style than my first pair of Citizens and even cuter. The price is steep, but I'm used to paying ridiculous amounts of money for my pants. You honestly have to pay more than short people for your pants when you are as tall as I am. That's why I'm probably always going to bitch about how being tall isn't all it's cracked up to be when short people tell me they wish they were my height. They honestly have no idea. Or maybe they are crazy rich and don't care that they'll have to shop designer and specialty shops for most of their clothes. Shopping sales is pretty much out of the question. Add getting pregnant and it turns the best of us into bitter people. (Trust me, I've been on all the message boards.)

Now, my next mission is figuring out a way to get my legs into a pair of these jeans that will fit me perfectly - everywhere. I'm holding out for birthday money, I think it may just work. Just 1.5 months to go!

Girly Girl

So, it looks like we very well may be having a girl in the family come August. I really had no expectations of what kind of child I wanted before this time. Given the 85% chance we have that the baby we saw on the screen yesterday is of female orientation, it's all making sense now.

Yesterday was a crazy busy day (sorry to any of you who wanted more info or a phonecall - it was just impossible.) I got up and got Soren ready for school, dropped him off at school, ran home and made a fairly complicated cake in just the exact amount of minutes I had to get back in the car and go to Cal Poly for the first appointment of the day. From that appointment we had just enough time to stop at Jamba Juice, pick up a smoothie to share on the way to our ultrasound appointment. From there we had just 45 minutes to get something to eat, open the card that told us what the tech thought we were having, talk about it and make copies of the ultrasound pics. We then got back in the car, headed to Cal Poly for the third time to have a Parent/Teacher conference with Soren's teacher. It went longer than expected, so Karl took Soren downtown while I rushed home, made the filling for the cake, frosted the three layers, garnished it with blackberries, got changed and rushed out the door to my mom's birthday dinner at the Apple Farm. We were there until 8:15, so by the time we got home Soren was a crazy tired child and we were both beat. We went to bed at 9.

Soooo, back to the ultrasound appointment. We saw the same tech who determined our first baby died at 14 weeks, and I was a sobbing mess on her table. She's also the one who told us that Soren was most definitely a boy too. Now she's the one who is giving us the 85% probability that we're having ourselves a girl this time. We've come full circle with this super sweet woman.

I found out that my placenta is on the anterior side of my uterus (translation for all you non-anatomy taking people...it's on the front of me) which makes TOTAL sense because the movements I feel with this baby are way different than what I felt with Soren. I was starting to think that my baby was paralyzed because I wasn't feeling any kicks yet. Turns out there's just a big cushion between my belly and the baby. She had a strong heartbeat of 145 bpm and didn't enjoy the ultrasound too much (who would??) She was moving a lot and kicking her little legs up - I must admit, pretty cute. She is lying sideways in my belly which is a relief since Sor-Dog was wedged head down at my ultrasound (17 weeks) and stayed put till he was born. Yeah, not fun. The tech couldn't get a great look at the genitals because she (we think) was curled up so tightly. She tried a few things and finally told us that she could only give us a percentage of how sure she was. That pretty much gave it away for us. We asked her to write her findings down on a card that I gave her so that we could open it during lunch. We got to our restaurant, ordered our food and I handed the card to Karl so he could open it. I saw the words right when he pulled out the velum paper...."GIRL!"

I guess this is why I have not been feeling so terrified of having a girl. Before I got pregnant the thought would almost make me sick to my stomach. I could not imagine having to raise a girl, which I know is unusual and not many of my friends understood this. I did not want a girl after I found out I was pregnant, I was just feeling like it wouldn't be the end of the world. Looking back, it makes sense that I was more sick if I'm pregnant with a girl. Karl and I talked about how this is probably the best scenario for the situation we're in. Having our boy first and girl second. They'll be close enough in age to have a good relationship but he'll be able to be protective of her. Plus, I feel like it's better for my heart knowing that this is a new kind of pregnancy and baby. Not like I'm just having to do the same thing times two. Also, we're realizing that this very well may be the end of our babymaking days so it feels complete to end with a boy and a girl. No matter what percentage the tech gave us, I truly feel like it's a girl now because of all the factors that are adding up (we still have to think of boy names just in case though.)

Sorry for the rambling, just trying to give details that couldn't come yesterday in the short time I have during a nap. Now I must feed myself and my little GIRL...yikes.

Helicopter Mom?

About a year ago I heard the term "Helicopter Mom" and I thought it was funny that there was such a term. It means what you would imagine - a mom who hovers over her child at the park or wherever they are to assure they are always safe. I've been thinking a lot lately about what type of mom I am. Of course, I don't want to be an HM, but I think sometimes I might be.

I tend to change my parenting ways and I think this is one way that I have changed. I used to be super carefree about letting Soren explore and try new things, but there is something that makes me one nervous mom these days. Maybe it's the fact that my child has bitten entirely through his lips a few times and now has a scar that he'll probably have for the rest of his life. Or maybe it's because he has fallen 4+ feet off of a play structure and limped for weeks. Or it could be that I go in and out of feeling like I am going to lose him. OK, I do this more often than not. I'm sure having gone through a very traumatic miscarriage is making me this way with Soren. I always imagine worst case scenarios in my head as Soren is playing, and while I try desperately to fight this thing in me, in creeps up all the time.

Soren's teacher was talking about moms who constantly tell their kids to be careful when they're at the park and I realized that I was totally guilty of this. Soren now goes to the edge of a play structure and points to the ground and says "fall down." I feel relieved that he gets it now, but I feel sad that I've made him so careful. This parenting thing is harder than it looks. Is it really bad to teach your kids to be careful? Will you be labeled a Helicopter Mom if you do? Are you stifling their need for risk or are you just being responsible? I honestly have no idea.

I Must Really Love Myself

About 3.5 hours ago, I started preparing a meal for tonight. I bought Foster Farms chicken yesterday for $.97/ lb (yes, I'm shopping sales these days) and planned to use them in a recipe I found on a cooking blog I read sometimes. I started brining the chicken while I was feeding Soren dinner and after he was done I had him help me pick some fresh rosemary off of the plant on our patio to make the rub for Garlic, Lemon and Rosemary Broiled Chicken. I crushed the garlic, grated the lemon, chopped the rosemary and put it all on my brined chicken while I cut up potatoes and cooked them in the skillet for about an hour. I then cooked up some garlic asparagus and waited for my chicken to be done in the broiler. At around 8:30 my meal was finally done. I sat down at the table with a wine glass full of French Berry Lemonade and marveled at what I had accomplished. Then, I realized I was having a date night with myself. Now I am going to cuddle up on the couch with myself for the night cause we're pooped.


Miss you Karl...come home sometime - ok?

Bones!

It's been a while since I've done a Soren update, so here goes (I have about 5 minutes before Karl and Soren get back from their little "adventure" to the coffee shop.)

-Soren is weaned! It happened very gradually, then one day I realized it had been a week or so since he last nursed. He went through a couple of weeks of being very frustrated when he tried to nurse and their was no more milk. He would look up at me and say "It's broken" or "It's not working." Pretty soon he just gave up I guess. Yippee! Now I have 6 months left to myself before I have to start it all over again.

-He is talking in sentences now. The other day he said "Having fun in the bath!" He picks up on way more than we realize when we're talking to each other and is constantly working on his vocab. He can pick out most of the alphabet and and can count to 6.

-Playing the guitar is still his #1 passion (obsession) and it's highly entertaining to see him turn any long object into a guitar when he doesn't have his real guitar handy. He can't get enough. He started to write and sing songs for us to. They usually go like this: "Maaamaaaa....Paaaaappaaa....." while he strums his guitar and bounces to the beat. Melts my heart. I love having songs written about me.

-This morning Soren has been throwing a pretty impressive amount of tantrums. One of them had to do with wanting bones. Yep, bones. He was crying and going to our pantry and begging for something that we had never heard him say before. Finally I asked him if he wanted bones and he immediately stopped crying and said, "Yeah" in such a relieved voice. Karl and I could not help but laugh and I realized that he remembered the lion in "Goodnight Gorilla" chewing on a bone. The last time we read it I told him that the lion was eating a bone, and somehow that memory stuck in his little brain so much that when he wanted a snack today he thought bones would be a good choice. I had to delicately explain to him that bones were only for lions and dogs to chew on, not for toddlers to eat. He was alright with that explanation and then asked for crackers.

That's it for the update. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Soren bought me flowers while he was out on his adventure! Adorable.

I'm Back

...and I need another vacation. I know, pretty unbelievable, but I do. This time, I need a get-away with my husband. If it weren't for school, lack of money, and Valentine's Day (that would be way too cliche') we would be out of here this weekend. At least Karl is getting a day in Santa Barbara on Friday and it's my turn to stay home and work.

This quarter has been easier than last quarter for our family, and I feel like I'm getting to know Karl again. When school and life get too crazy, we tend to forget how to be with each other because we never spend time together. We just end up being frustrated with the other person during the few times we do get alone - it's pretty lame. Just one of the MANY reasons I fantasize about graduation day on a way too regular basis. Anyway, we're past the crazy month of January **hallelujah!** and settling into February nicely (with the exception of the flu from hell and teething.) Karl has been home more and is able to take Soren to school one out of two days a week, and we're starting to split Soren's "wake-ups" with each other now. Karl is even able to help with dinner sometimes and do things around the house to help out. It's unbelievable how much these things help my state of mind and Karl loves having the time to spare to be with us.

Anyways, I want to get out of town with my husband!! We only have 6 months left while we're still a "little" family and date nights and weekends away are easy! [Said with panic in her voice.] I think a "getaway" stipend should be be included in tuition for Cal Poly architecture students. I'm gonna propose it, I'm sure they'd go for it.

I'm Outta Here

For the past 6 days I have been home constantly, nursing (literally and figuratively) one very sick toddler. He contracted something awful and has been coughing, crying, snotting, vomiting, running a pretty high temp for a few days and NOT sleeping. He is getting better, but today I just feel worn completely ragged, like I'm on the verge of running out of my house. I have given every last ounce of myself to this little miserable guy and while my heart is torn apart seeing him so sick, I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I'm not sure how parents with more than one child deal with this sort of thing. Actually, there was one point a few days ago that I got mad at families who have a ton of kids - namely, the Duggers on TLC (like I said, I'm kind of losing my mind.) Soren is not a very clingy child, he rarely needs to be held and loves having his own space when he sleeps. Right now he just really needs mama and papa time - all day and a lot of the night. Anyway, I just don't see how it's fair for parents to make the choice to not give each of their kids the comfort they need because they feel they need to be fruitful. Don't get me wrong, I usually love the Duggers (in a "are you serious?!" sort of way, but I still love them.) I'm totally ranting, but it shows how stable my head is these days...not very.

The point of this blog, however, is to announce that I am getting out of here! No, I'm not running away (so don't call CPS) and I'm not being hypocritical. My AMAZINGLY sweet husband suggested I go spend some time with my relocated friend this weekend while he stays home with the Buddy. I already had the day off on Friday and Karl said he'd stay home with the little man this weekend so that I could breath again and check out the new Roberts home in Agoura Hills! I'm more excited than I have been about anything in a long time. The thought of driving by myself on 101, breathing ocean air, listening to music instead of crying, having time to myself - um, exciting stuff people! So, anyway, I'm ecstatic. Karl is already making plans to go to the airport, the train station and the zoo with Soren this weekend. A little boy's weekend - so cute. It's a win-win situation for so many people. Hello again LA!!! Wooooooot!!