About a year ago I heard the term "Helicopter Mom" and I thought it was funny that there was such a term. It means what you would imagine - a mom who hovers over her child at the park or wherever they are to assure they are always safe. I've been thinking a lot lately about what type of mom I am. Of course, I don't want to be an HM, but I think sometimes I might be.
I tend to change my parenting ways and I think this is one way that I have changed. I used to be super carefree about letting Soren explore and try new things, but there is something that makes me one nervous mom these days. Maybe it's the fact that my child has bitten entirely through his lips a few times and now has a scar that he'll probably have for the rest of his life. Or maybe it's because he has fallen 4+ feet off of a play structure and limped for weeks. Or it could be that I go in and out of feeling like I am going to lose him. OK, I do this more often than not. I'm sure having gone through a very traumatic miscarriage is making me this way with Soren. I always imagine worst case scenarios in my head as Soren is playing, and while I try desperately to fight this thing in me, in creeps up all the time.
Soren's teacher was talking about moms who constantly tell their kids to be careful when they're at the park and I realized that I was totally guilty of this. Soren now goes to the edge of a play structure and points to the ground and says "fall down." I feel relieved that he gets it now, but I feel sad that I've made him so careful. This parenting thing is harder than it looks. Is it really bad to teach your kids to be careful? Will you be labeled a Helicopter Mom if you do? Are you stifling their need for risk or are you just being responsible? I honestly have no idea.
5 comments:
cute.
i tell ara to be careful too... and seth never does and is wild with her... i think that makes a good balance. ..
even though i do tell her to be careful i let her do pretty much anything she wants when shes playing and encourage her to do things by herself. if she falls, she falls.. she'll be ok.
you got a boy and boys usually only get more adventurous... it'll be good for you ;)
you're not a helicopter mom though. i mean i dont think... i haven't seen for at least a couple weeks though....
After seeing you at the park with Soren last week, I don't think you're a helicopter mom at all!
I tend to be that way a bit with Natalie when she's trying things that are new for both of us (like climbing anything). I know I've said "be careful" to her probably too often because she now says it to herself when she's doing something relatively adventurous!
It's hard to strike that balance between being our kids' guardian and their teachers, between holding them and loving them and letting them go and experience the world. I have a hunch it's going to be like this for many many many years!
I could totally be the poster mom for HM...I worry that every time I DIDN't say to be careful and a child got hurt it was because I didn't care enough to get my butt off that bench and make sure my children were ok. Not only would I be hurting with my children, but I would be so GUILTY inside. And I really don't care what people feel about it, I have the time and most days the energy. And I know that regardless of wether I hoover them or now they WILL Jump off that playstructure and get a fat lip/bruise/scrape. They are kids of course and don't listen worth a crap...but I did my part.
Enough justifying my Helicopterness...
I know the feeling of thinking you are going to loose your children...we know it happens and know the pain. It makes us freaken paraniod, but it also makes us aware of what we now have...You have a wonderful little boy and raise him however you want...he calls no one else "Mama" (or whatever he calls you)
I have never heard this term used in reference to mothers of little children. Maybe it is because I work in education, but we always use it in reference to parents who are way to involved in their children's lives (ex: filling out college applications for their kids, calling college professors to check grades mid-semester, etc). It never dawned on me that a child of a toddler could be considered a helicopter mom. Moms should be all-up-in their toddlers biz-nass. Thats why we are called moms.
I love all of your comments. Thank you! You are my Mommy Group for now since I work during the week and can't be a part of anything official.
Paige - you made me laugh at 7:30 in the morning...so props to you. ;)
I think so much of parenting is about balance, and I am learning that in a lot of ways both parents balance things out with their kids. I try to not scare Soren with "be careful"s all the time, but it's difficult. I want him to try new things without always being afraid, which he has a tendency toward.
Skylana - you're right about how you and Seth are different and that's how Karl and I are too. I think that's healthy. Our instincts as moms tell us to protect our children and I think it's wise for us to follow that (within reason, of course.)
We want our kids to be independent people but at this age, it's mostly about keeping them safe from the world around them. Still sorting through this and many other issues in my head. Thanks for sharing!
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